Helen has a dilemma when it comes to her melons. Along with her friend Ellen, they discreetly divulge their problem, that makes you question whether there may be a subtle undercurrent of satirical naughtiness. This book is clean for children, but I would advise parental guidance for sake of anybody that may be sensitive to this form of word play. Suffering from a bad bout of gardening, Helen is unable to grow perfect melons, unlike her friend Ellen, and takes matters into her own hands to rectify the matter. In a sensational series of events, can Helen sort out her melons, or will Ellen reign supreme? Read on and find out. Inspired by completely untrue events, the title says it all, whilst also saying precisely zero or less. I hope this book makes you laugh, as the pilot copy we created went down a storm, and had people bent double with laughter.
Meet Jamie Greenlees
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I, Jamie Greenlees, have been involved with crass parody in one form or another since I can remember. I am an old soul, and ‘Curseanova’ is my first self-published book, having written numerous satirical articles for ‘Figure 8 media’. I have mapped out an idea for a second novel, so get ready to not buy it. I currently work full time for a North American Insurance Company, and despite the content of this book, I live happily with my girlfriend of five years now in South East Essex. My favourite saying is ‘morons take a knife and stab people in the back, whereas the wise take a knife, cut the cord, and set themselves free from the morons’. I listen to and DJ vinyl only jungle and drum and bass music, and often carve a face into jacket potatoes before I stick them in the oven, as It’s always nice to have some company for dinner. My pipeline dream is to have enough money to build a modern and self-sufficient off grid home in a remote part of the World, such as Alaska, and my best friend at work is whichever one brings cake and sausage rolls in to the office for sharing, which today was Brenda – I love that old trout. I am a firm believer that Zombies DO exist, having once looked at myself in the mirror before my breakfast Red Bull. Finally, I find it strange that when a cat licks its bottom people find it ‘cute’, yet when I do it, everybody on the train refers to me as a ‘weirdo’.