Dan’s Lame Novel

| April 24, 2013

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Dan's Lame Novel

Authors typically don’t set out to write a bad novel. It may turn out that way, but that was probably not their intent. I, also, did not intend to write a bad novel. I did, however, fully intend to write a completely lame novel.

If I may say so myself, I believe I have succeeded.

Writing a lame novel means casting aside the typical rules of fiction. For example, a good novel should probably have a consistent plot. We’ll just throw that concept out the window because, if I’m getting bored with a plotline, you probably are too, so how about we just drop it and move on?

Rewriting? Forget that. That’s too much like work. We’ll just retcon things as we go along.

How about we break the fourth wall while we’re at it? Maybe even the fifth. Is there a fifth wall? I think I’ll plead the fifth on that.

This novel is also shorter than a typical novel. More like novella length. But, since it’s lame, well, why would a lame novel be novel length? So, it’s shorter. Deal with it; you’ll get through it that much faster.

Also, tacos. Yes, tacos. Because tacos are awesome. But what about bacon, you ask? You’ll just have to wait and see.

Please note that I am fully disclosing here that this novel is entirely lame, so if you buy it expecting it to not be lame, well, that’s your own fault. I am telling you right here and right now that this novel is very, very lame. I’ll repeat that in the foreword of the book too. Go ahead and check.

But, you should buy it anyway. Why? Because I’m pretty sure you don’t want to miss out on reading what is quite possibly the lamest novel ever. Or novella, if you want to be nitpicky, but I’m calling it a novel, so there.

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