Noisome Beasts

| April 22, 2013

Noisome Beasts

A stolen bag of cheese puffs. A battered Aerosmith cassette tape. A mysterious half-man, half-corpse. A quest to write the baddest rap of all time. Todd Jenkins, formerly a server at Cracker Barrel, will investigate these and other mysteries in his journey to seek out his real father: “Family Matters” star Reginald VelJohnson.

Todd’s journey will lead him to nasty all-you-can-eat buffets, Fundamentalist conventions, and a horrific future featuring murderous robots. Join Todd and his best friend Edgar on their terrifying adventures across the American midwest, into darkest nightmares and sensual dreams. Wonder as they freestyle with hobo rap kings. Marvel as they purchase a model Frankenstein’s Monster. Wince as they try hard not to touch the door handle of the truck stop bathroom.

But wait: this special deluxe edition of Noisome Beasts comes with not one, not two, but THREE bonus short stories. Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler crashes a sweet-sixteenth birthday party. A middle-school band covers “Louie, Louie.” SEXY BIKERS RIOT. Read them all, or keep one and trade the others, guaranteeing yourself a tidy profit!

Tolerated by fans of Daniel Manus Pinkwater, David Sedaris, and “A Confederacy of Dunces”, Noisome Beasts will change your life and make you a stronger, better person. Wait. Hold up your arm. Look at that bulging bicep, just from reading this description!


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