In this interview I had the chance to catch up with the author Jeff Borkoski where we discussed his book ‘The Sex-Starved Husband’s Guide’.
Jeff, thanks for spending some time with me today to discuss your book, ‘The Sex-Starved Husband’s Guide’. Now, I want to make sure that the readers don’t just get caught up in the book’s title so can you give us a summary of what your book is about.
The book is aimed at men stuck in stalled marriages. Stylistically, it’s written for men who don’t like to read. It’s a pointed, fast-moving, practical guide on becoming the kind of husband your wife will respect, admire, and love again.
Giving men the some pointers on how to improve their marriages is a very powerful. What triggered you to write a book about this topic?
The idea for the book arose when a few of my coaching clients recommended I write a book about my experience. If my story was helping a handful of married men in significant ways, maybe it could help many more. Come to find out, hardly anyone is talking about this widespread issue.
So, one of the major aspects of this book is your own personal marriage experience?
Absolutely! The book is a compilation of the lessons I learned in the aftermath of my divorce. I did everything wrong when my wife began pulling away emotionally and sexually. In my frustration and ignorance, I made things worse instead of better. I share my story in the hope that other men will avoid the mistakes I made and build a fulfilling marriage.
Thank you for sharing your story, I’m sure just the honesty for sharing those experiences will be able to help others going through something similar. Did you do any research in addition to your own personal experiences when you were writing this book?
I did. I spoke with dozens of married people who desperately missed the closeness and intimacy they once shared with their spouse. People who no longer enjoyed being married. People who felt “stuck” and had no idea how to fix what was broken in their marriage.
What did you find the most rewarding thing about writing this book?
That’s easy: helping other people who are stuck in mediocre marriages. I’ve received a handful of emails from strangers who wrote to say, “Thank you. Your story has opened my eyes in so many ways. I have hope again for my marriage!” It’s the reason I wrote the book. It’s what motivated me to be so raw and honest about my failures.
I think that your success and rewards are clear from the reviews that you have on Amazon. How did you feel when you got your first book review?
Like all the time and toil had been worth it! My first comments and reviews weren’t through Amazon, but Facebook. I made two free chapters available before my book was released, and offered the entire manuscript in exchange for an honest review. Many of my beta readers wrote and shared the impact my book was making in their home.
As you’ve acknowledged you were very raw and honest while writing your book. How did you manage to write about such an emotional and personal topic? How long did it take?
I wrote this book over a 9-10 month period. I stuck to a five-mornings-a-week writing schedule. I arranged my entire life around getting my butt in the chair each day and sitting down to write.
Do you write longhand?
I type into a Google Doc and edit as I go. It’s just what works best for me. Plus, I never have to worry about losing what I’ve written. A Google doc “saves” itself automatically every few seconds. Even if my computer were to crash, my work would be saved in The Cloud. I also email myself (from my phone) whenever I’m out and about and have an inspired idea related to what I’m I’m writing. That way when I get back to my desk the next morning, my (hopefully) inspired idea is waiting for me.
And how do go through the editing process?
I’m a ruthless editor! I edit as I write, after I write, after I write, and after I write! I trimmed one chapter of my book from 28-29 pages down to 6-7. Something Stephen King said helped me tremendously: “Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler’s heart, kill your darlings.” I did pay two professional to edit my manuscript after I was done. That’s something I highly recommend.
That’s a good tip for our other authors out there. How did you go about the final book cover design?
I found a young designer from Europe through 99 Designs. She perfectly captured what I wanted for the cover, specifically, a cover whose subtitle was prominently featured, rather than thrown in as an afterthought. This was important to me. While the title addresses the pain point of my target audience, the subtitle offers them the hope of something better!
I agree, I think the setup of the subtitle does bring out the hope in the book. As a now successful self-published author, do you have any tips on self-publishing for other authors?
Learn as much as you can from the people who have gone before you! I devoured (and still do) podcasts, blog posts, webinars, etc. produced by the authors who have gotten to where I’d like to be.
And who are some of of those authors?
I’m a big Seth Godin fan. He taught me to break the rules and that less is usually more. I just finished reading a few of Donald Miller’s books – so good! He taught me to eliminate every needless use of the word “that.” I went back through my manuscript and cut 60-70 “that’s” from my book.
Are you currently reading something where you are learning?
I’m in marketing mode, so I’m currently reading “80/20 Sales and Marketing” by Perry Marshall. Very helpful.
Is there a book that you wish that you would have written?
“The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield. Brilliant. It’s the first book EVERY writer and entrepreneur should read.
Now to finish out today’s interview I’d like to ask you a few quick-fire questions:
What is your favourite quote?
Impossible to pick one, but here are a few that have guided me recently:
“If you wait for all the lights to turn green before starting your journey, you’ll never leave the driveway.” (Zig Ziglar)
“The things that get scheduled are the things that get done. Until you schedule something, it’s only a concept – and extraordinary people don’t build extraordinary lives on concepts. They build their lives on action and execution. They get things done.” (Robin Sharma)
“If we did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.” (Thomas Edison)
If you could steal one thing without consequence what would it be?
Mark Zuckerberg’s Facebook stock shares!
*Laughs*, Nice choice. Jeff, thanks again for taking the time with me today, and I hope that you are able to connect with many new readers and allow them to improve their marriages from your experience.
Want to find out more about Jeff? Contact him at the following locations: