A seagull in an English seaside town acquires a taste for hunting and killing cats. Embarking on a killing spree, the bird inadvertently adds to an adolescent boy’s woes while causing paranoia in local cats. As the cat population diminishes, a brilliant Abyssinian called Joseph chances upon the truth and sets out to restore natural law where cats are the predators, and birds are their victims. Although media and public pressure to catch the cat killer builds, a recession and the uncertainty of Brexit means the underfunded civil service isn’t too interested in solving cat deaths. Eventually, after much public pressure, Constables Franklin and Wilkin are put on the case. Stumbling upon evidence via social media, they find their killer. Unfortunately, their deductive reasoning is flawed, resulting in an innocent teenager taking the fall, adding to his already significant problems. Mrs Crick is only too aware of nature’s cruelty, and although a lover of wildlife, especially the sparrows that play in her garden, nature shocks and scares her sometimes. Having already overcome many traumas in her long life, she suffers more as the seagull and his family reside on her roof. Nature is cruel, but the bloated British civil service is more cruel. And corrupt and stupid, too. Most species try to protect their families, but life is hard, and DNA adapts slowly to cope with environmental changes. While most evolve for the better, humanity seems to get worse and worse. A dark social satire (depending on your point of view), telling a tale about nature, family and politics.
DEAD DOWN EAST, a fictional murder mystery, is both detective noir and smart screwball comedy rolled into one. Jesse Thorpe, a young private investigator operating out of Augusta, Maine, receives a mysterious phone call from a former client, Cynthia Dumais. She begs to be rescued from an island south of Brunswick, within a mile of where William Lavoilette, the governor of Maine, was assassinated the night before. She insists that her life is in danger but is unwilling to provide any further information. Reluctantly, he goes to fetch her. Fresh, witty and loaded with eccentric characters, this first novel in the series is both clever and stylish. It’s an old-school private eye tale with inventive twists and local color. If you enjoy a well-crafted and zesty narrative, lively banter, or take pleasure in the company of Mainers, you’ll love DEAD DOWN EAST.
Meet Carl Schmidt
Did you know that the average male bladder can hold approximately one pint of liquid? However, when it comes to an Irishman, his bladder tends to have a somewhat larger capacity. The bladder of a healthy Irishman can typically hold at least 750ml which is nearly one and a half pints. Yet, there are always exceptions to the norm. Every once in a while a man with an exceptionally large bladder emerges, and with some training and determination, he can accommodate a significantly greater volume than the average person. Famous, among other things, for his remarkable bladder capacity (it is well-known that before having to relieve himself he has, on occasion, imbibed up to four pints of lager), Johnny Two Kebabs shares his experiences in this fifth instalment of his memoirs. He sets forth in gritty detail how, during a “ridealong” with two police officers, they are suddenly called to investigate the murder of a prominent Conservative MP. It is in this gripping narrative that Johnny portrays how his “enhanced bladder capacity” plays a crucial role in foiling a daring assassination attempt orchestrated by the Cornish separatist group, the C.N.L.O.
Meet Johnny Two Kebabs
Get ready for a laughter-filled journey through the wonderful world of humor with ‘Lots Of Silly Jokes For Kids Ages 5-12.’ This delightful collection features 800 funny and imaginative jokes that are sure to tickle the funny bone of kids and parents alike. From clever quips about animals like cats and dogs to rib-tickling humor involving dinosaurs, monsters, and music, these jokes are designed to entertain and engage young readers. • Knock Knock Jokes • Underwater Jokes • Cat Jokes • Dog Jokes • PlaceJokes • MovieJokes • Dinosaur Jokes • School Jokes • Holiday jokes • Car Jokes • UFO Jokes • Space jokes • Birthday Jokes • Insect Jokes • Season Jokes • Robot Jokes • Music Jokes • Monster Jokes • Parents Jokes • Time Jokes • Country Jokes • Birds Jokes • Magic Jokes • Technology Jokes • Toys Jokes • Friend Ship Jokes • Construction Jokes • Historical Figures • Gnomes Jokes • Pets vs. Wildlife • Unusual Hobbies • Circus Jokes • Amusement Park Jokes
Meet mahdi amini
What happens when a snarky kid drags his no-tech parents kicking and screaming into the 21st century? He writes a book about it! This kid doesn’t mince words: “Forget Google and ChatGPT; Dad gets his questions answered by a Magic 8 Ball and his drunk uncle. Dad refuses to use GPS. He says, ‘Great, now I have two women telling me how to drive.’ Mom’s high-tech treadmill has a fitness app. She entered what she ate in one day and it sent an ambulance to our house. Neither of them understands our Smart TV’s remote. It can’t change channels but it shuts off our neighbor’s home dialysis machine.” Come on the uproarious ride as Mom and Dad declare war on: Online Shopping Email Zoom Calls Voice Mail Alexa Social Media Robot Vacuums Streaming Music Artificial Intelligence Smartphones Illustrated with hilarious photos and described in wisecracking detail, Mom & Dad Are Dinosaurs! will bring the funny to your whole family.
Meet Frank Mastropolo
“Echoes of Eternity” is a spellbinding novel by Ajay that delves into the realms of love, mysteries, and justice. Join the dynamic duo, Vrunda and Akhil, as they unravel enigmas ranging from ancient hieroglyphs to the secrets of the Illusionist’s Code. As mysteries unfold, a profound love story emerges, enhancing the narrative with heart-warming depth. This book is a celebration of human curiosity, relentless pursuit of justice, and the enduring power of love.
Meet Ajay Kumar
When alien spacecraft descended upon medieval England, the entire realm was thrown into a state of unparalleled chaos and horror. Despite the inherently peaceful intentions of the aliens, their arrival sent shockwaves of fear and deep-seated suspicion throughout the land. The fear was so profound that people readily embraced the notion that these creatures were nothing less than malevolent demons. During their stay in the isolated forests of Yorkshire, the aliens experienced a multitude of enthralling adventures, infused with dark humor and an abundance of funny predicaments, all while eagerly anticipating the arrival of their rescue spacecraft. In a comical fashion, this absurdist novella satirizes both human nature and the conventions of the fantasy genre. Through humor, it explores the ridiculousness of human behavior, while parodying the familiar tropes and clichés commonly found in fantasy, horror and science fiction literature.
Meet Eldar Hasanov
Join Max Tindley in his HILARIOUS adventures through Middle Scool Get ready to embark on a hilariously chaotic journey through the ups and downs of the school year in this side-splitting tale! Join Max Tindley as he navigates through a series of mishaps, embarrassing moments, and unexpected triumphs. We meet Max, who is filled with anxieties about starting a new school year. Little does he know that his first day is about to kick off with a series of mishaps and embarrassing moments that will have readers in stitches. Max navigates the school year, with hilarious incidents during exams, prank wars, and school dances gone wrong. As anticipation for summer break looms,our hero can’t wait to escape the chaos and embark on new adventures.
Meet BA Tainton
Thundrhed is a vikingish barbarian who farms turkeys for a living. At around the age of thirty he decides to sell his land and travel, so he journeys to the big city to unload the last of his livestock. Being a hayseed in the city for the first time, he inevitably goes on a bender. Tavern brawls follow, and a whorehouse, fights with a patchwork zombie and a leper, and a pivotal encounter with a mystical weirdo who tells him of a secret treasure hoard in which he will find the key to his destiny. Somehow, he lives through the night. Post epic hangover, he makes his way to Soenso’s Rare Goods and Interesting Clutter Emporium to speak with Ōle, a purveyor of trinkets and exposition. From Ōle he learns the details of the treasure hidden beneath the Dragon Throne across the sea. He hops on a ship, sails to the land of sinister foreigners, cobbles together a slipshod plan and smuggles himself into the Forbidden Temple. He sets out to interrupt a ritual sacrifice, defeat the guards, rescue the girl, fight off the monsters and discover the treasure chamber. Will he loot the treasure and leg it, two steps in front of the authorities and an angered magnucapra (or greater were-goat) and ride hell-for-leather to the port city, board a ship and escape, intact and wealthy? If so, fireworks and fanfare, drinks on Thundrhed. A little too dry? The devil’s in the detail. Thundrhed is a story for a Sunday afternoon when you’d rather let someone else do the heavy lifting. THUNDRHED! will be available free from 1/9/23 to 30/9/23
Meet Damon Wolfe
Murders Most Foul “What would you say if I were to tell you I believed…that in the heart of every man and woman alive, there lies the potential for ultimate evil?” So begins a mystery of murder, jealousy, and revenge, as old friendships are tested and new alliances form. When a wealthy heir invites half a dozen people to his recently inherited estate, all hell breaks loose, and it will be up to the quirky, lovelorn Inspector Willem Broekstein to find out whodunnit. But of course all is not as it seems, and Broekstein will need his wits about him if he’s to keep from losing his head—or his heart—along the way.