Helen has a dilemma when it comes to her melons. Along with her friend Ellen, they discreetly divulge their problem, that makes you question whether there may be a subtle undercurrent of satirical naughtiness. This book is clean for children, but I would advise parental guidance for sake of anybody that may be sensitive to this form of word play. Suffering from a bad bout of gardening, Helen is unable to grow perfect melons, unlike her friend Ellen, and takes matters into her own hands to rectify the matter. In a sensational series of events, can Helen sort out her melons, or will Ellen reign supreme? Read on and find out. Inspired by completely untrue events, the title says it all, whilst also saying precisely zero or less. I hope this book makes you laugh, as the pilot copy we created went down a storm, and had people bent double with laughter.
Meet Jamie Greenlees
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Jamie Greenlees
I, Jamie Greenlees, have been involved with crass parody in one form or another since I can remember. I am an old soul, and ‘Curseanova’ is my first self-published book, having written numerous satirical articles for ‘Figure 8 media’. I have mapped out an idea for a second novel, so get ready to not buy it. I currently work full time for a North American Insurance Company, and despite the content of this book, I live happily with my girlfriend of five years now in South East Essex. My favourite saying is ‘morons take a knife and stab people in the back, whereas the wise take a knife, cut the cord, and set themselves free from the morons’. I listen to and DJ vinyl only jungle and drum and bass music, and often carve a face into jacket potatoes before I stick them in the oven, as It’s always nice to have some company for dinner. My pipeline dream is to have enough money to build a modern and self-sufficient off grid home in a remote part of the World, such as Alaska, and my best friend at work is whichever one brings cake and sausage rolls in to the office for sharing, which today was Brenda – I love that old trout. I am a firm believer that Zombies DO exist, having once looked at myself in the mirror before my breakfast Red Bull. Finally, I find it strange that when a cat licks its bottom people find it ‘cute’, yet when I do it, everybody on the train refers to me as a ‘weirdo’.
The Nude Lady & The Free Gift: is the story of a young man who met a beautiful young lady, but they both lost a very precious opportunity that was made available to them at no cost. Their nonchalance and carelessness was a great mistake on their part. They suffered greatly for this error. Years after, generations yet unborn after them also suffered for this costly mistake. Every one wished to know what to do to stop the suffering and restore the lost privileges and honor, but none seemed to know.
Meet Sam. O. Salau
An author of over 25 published books, with the best-selling title “Secrets of Successful Students” sold over 150,000 copies, Sam O Salau currently mentors thousands of students, youths, and young adults in and around the country. He studied Mechanical Engineering in Unilag, and is currently a fellow of CMI. He is the Chairman of Josedar International, President of SOS Publications, CEO of Students Self Help resources, Director of PDF Academy, and currently sits on the board of several other companies across the spectrum of Nigerian’s economic space. Experienced Chief Executive Officer with a demonstrated history of working in the management development and publishing industry. A Strong business development professional who is Skilled in Team Motivation, Public Speaking, Management Consulting, Pastoral Counseling, and Academic Publishing. Studied Mechanical Engineering from University of Lagos. Sam. O. Salau, Africa’s leading author on campus issues, is a Professional Student Consultant. Having been dealing and speaking with students for the past ten years, the National Students’ Coach, as he is fondly called by the generality of the academic community, has practical solutions to most of the problems students encounter in their academic pursuit. A regular speaker in all major student conferences in his country and its region, the young and dynamic University of Lagos trained Mechanical Engineer has published over 15 titles that are of help to the generality of students both in their academics and other areas of their lives. He is the most read author on campus issues in Africa. Most of his books are recommended study materials for students in his country. Among them are the best sellers Make Money While in School and Secrets of Successful Students. Some of his titles are also available in French. He is a teaching evangelist who is being used by the Lord to deliver so many youths and students who are under the oppression of the devil, thereby depopulating the kingdom of hell. His uncommon gifts and rare abilities have gained him respect among Christian leaders in his country.
Jackson the Space Dog is a quirky, and ridiculous mix of talking animals, strange worlds and ridiculous circumstances that would best be described as, “What?!” Jackson the Space Dog is heavily inspired by comedy movies of the 80’s like Airplane, The Naked Gun, or Young Frankenstein.
Jackson the Space Dog is a talking dog who travels the cosmos in his spaceship shaped like an electric guitar. He travels to different worlds and sometimes battles vacuu-bots (evil vacuum cleaners) sent from his arch nemesis, Appendix. Jackson is accompanied on his adventures by his ship mates who include: Kevin, a dolphin from the planet Kevin who only says, “Hey” or “The Building!” Matt, a yellow bunny that Jackson always mistakenly refers to as Skippy. And Nichelle, a penguin named after the great Nichelle Nichols. Jackson also jams with The Barking Spiders who hail from the eighth dimension and comprise his back up band. He has recorded a full album of 18 songs including titles like, “Guess What? Chicken Butt,” “The Earth is Round,” and “How Many Times Do You Fart in a Year?” Some of these songs can be heard on Jacksons Youtube channel “Jackson Animation.” Jackson also has a line of action figures for the character Admiral Potato available at any grocery store.
Meet Peter Griffin
Peter Griffin is brand new to creating graphic novels. He has been creating 3D animation for two Youtube channels “Mr. Griffin’s Math World” and “Jackson Animation” for several years now. Both channels feature Jackson the Space Dog, a talking dog who lives on a spaceship shaped like an electric guitar. Currently Peter Griffin teaches 8th grade math and records rock music that is performed by Jackson the Space Dog.
The second civil war has come to America, and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are riding. Good News for Dead People is a short story collection about what happens in the time between twilight and pure darkness. Set in an alternate reality that is both far away and uncomfortably close, runaway climate change, war, and scarcity lurk around every corner while anarchy reigns supreme. Follow a psychopath fresh out of prison, a thyroid patient searching for pills, and a Senator’s shroom-obsessed son, among others, as they navigate the dangers of a bizarre world that is hostile to life itself. See war and collapse from perspectives never explored, from genesis to the bitter end.
Meet Jamie Waters
Jamie lives in Appalachia, where they enjoy gaming, reading, and being reclusive.
This is the perfect humor book for anyone who is a nurse, has been a nurse, or is thinking of becoming a nurse. It is filled with enough fun and laughter to make any nurse break out with a giant grin. This book is filled with:
Jokes
Cartoons
Comic Strips
Antidotes
Trivia
Funny Stories
Nursing Tips
And more fun than you can an IV stand at!
It is a great bathroom reader, gag gift, or stocking stuffer for anyone in the medical profession.
Meet Steve Lee
Steve Lee loves having fun. His motto is “funny first.” Steve’s number One goal in bringing you this book is to add a little laughter to your life. His full-time career is as a movie & TV producer. He has produced nearly 40 TV shows & feature films. He has also written screenplays for 3 of those movies.
Ethan Blake has a unique gift – he can make people forget…for the right price of course. The catch is, he is slowly losing his own memories. After a botched job, Ethan is on the run with powerful enemies after him. With no one to turn to but a young woman named Skylar who has the same gift he has, they are thrust into an ever deepening hole of secrets, cover-ups, assassins and other people with the same parlor tricks as Ethan. To get to the bottom of why they are being hunted, Ethan will have to face his own dark past. To survive, Ethan and Skylar will have to learn to trust each other. Everyone has got their secrets. Everybody has got their own agenda. Let the game commence.
Meet Werner Pool
I write character-driven crime thrillers with a slight supernatural tinge. They contain a bit of action, a bit of drama, a bit of humor, a bit of romance, some star gazing, some navel-gazing and a lot of witty dialogue from characters who are probably not as smart as they think they are. I am a psychologist, and I think this gives my characters some psychological depth, but it could only be wishful thinking. In my free time, I like to listen to music spanning every genre imaginable.
This inspirational collection of ingenious tales that include schemes for getting your life back is woven into a series of hilarious triumphs filled with love, grief, and mischief. High-spirited shenanigans will motivate you to move ahead after a loss, breakup, or divorce. No matter what you’ve been through, every reader (you) will achieve a heightened sense of happiness and a deeper level of confidence than you ever imagined. This book supersedes everything you’ve been told about healing. Uncover unusual secrets for getting on with your life after a big disappointment or being dumped. You’ll be motivated to revitalize your life in ways you never thought of. Spoiler Alert: You’re going to learn more than how to fake your death and dance naked, with dignity. (You’ll love those chapters.) Wine glasses raised here. You’ll not only learn how to tie knots when you’re at the end of your rope, refocus your energy, and outsmart a bear; you will find remarkable ideas to enhance your notoriety before you croak. Begin rejuvenating and basking in self-appreciation and exhilaration. Learn how to get there in one spectacular day! PLUS: a sure-fire plan for moving forward. Discover the one true secret to living a meaningful life. You can laugh, you may cry, but you will ultimately be entertained and redirected. You’ll find that you’re not alone.
This Book is Full of
Encouragement
Enlightenment
Recipes
Affirmations
Life Hacks
Travel Flub Fixes
Fun facts about potatoes, dogs, cows, turtles, dolphins…
Gut-busting inspiration to create happiness all around you
Gleeful tactics to escape humiliation, balconies, & boredom
If you enjoyed bestsellers like Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, where she takes her life out of the comfort zone, you’ll love Coffee Cups & Wine Glasses‘ real-life examples of haphazard accomplishments. It’s nothing like the book He’s Just Not That Into You, where Greg Behrendt gives you the courage to walk away. You’re probably already walking. Coffee Cups & Wine Glasses is more like: Dance, Rejoice, Laugh, Live, Excel, and Get Your Life Back – no matter who isn’t into you.
It’s a Journal
It’s a Vision Board
It’s entertaining, comical, and inspiring
You deserve more than an old mattress and day-old coffee. Follow the 10 simple steps to getting over Richard Cranium (AKA Dick Head) and learn to live as if you’re going through Hell. Hint: Keep going. Coffee Cups & Wine Glasses is the perfect gift for yourself, your girlfriends, and anyone who needs reassurance, a comical boost, a kick in the rear, or a reason to believe how brave, lovable, and magnificently courageous they are. Be Brave. Scroll to the top and click the “Buy Now” button to find proof that your life can be rewarding and fulfilling!
Meet Debbie Seagle
Debbie Seagle lives in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia near most of the things she loves: family, friends, dirt, water, and mountain air. She has lived in several countries and all around the USA working as an airshow director, marketing director, operations manager, and Top Secret senior technical writer for some of the world’s unknown oracles.
Debbie authored a Sunday column in the New Orleans Times-Picayune, was a US Embassy newsletter author/editor/publisher, events director, teenage lifeguard, young military wife grocery-bagger for tips, shampoo girl, united airshow grunt (UAG), senior census field manager, and systems trainer to assist in finding bad guys.
When she isn’t hiding at the cabin writing to you, Debbie enjoys being with her family, scuba diving, snow skiing, sailing, gardening, hiking, kayaking, hanging with friends, and good wine in a magnificent wine glass. She once shared a bottle of $1,600 wine with a celebrity. It wasn’t any better than her favorite $28 bottle. That was a life lesson.
She has degrees and certificates for various other obscure vocations, but her lifelong endeavor to become an accomplished juggler has not transpired – yet. Someday she will DOiT.
Random Facts about me (from Debbie Seagle): 1. I’ve jumped out of an airplane 3 times (with a parachute). 2. My Indian name is “Little Whirlwind.” 3. I played the clarinet in the high school concert band. 4. Colonel Sanders touched my boob. 5. Don Hoe grabbed my butt. 6. Bill Clinton winked at me. 7. I had lunch with Nicholas Sparks. He talked to me. 8. I hung out all day with Jeff Foxworthy (once). He signed my sign. 9. Davy Jones & I spent a day at his horse stall. He sang a song to me. My life is complete. 10. I still sometimes twirl a fire baton. 11. I was married to a US Marine and moved 42 times. 12. I’ve been interviewed on TV and radio 72 times. 13. I’ve been to Camp David twice. 14. I planned an international gala ball in the Eiffel Tower. 15. I have 3 sons and 8 grandchildren (so far). 16. I once could do back walkovers on a balance beam. 17. I call my bathroom The Jim. I go to The Jim every morning! 18. I’ve touched 4 US Presidents (I shook their hands, ok?). 19. I’m an expert in fitted-sheet folding. 20. Bananas make my throat itch. 21. I love my truck.
HILARIOUS, HEART-WARMING, DIFFERENT and DELIGHTFUL! A lonely young man suffers a massive defeat. When all is lost, he meets a fiery fortune-teller who pleads with him to save her. Can he re-invent himself as a hero? A light-hearted but poignant little story, Dargo is humorous and heart-warming; a fairy-tale for adults. You can also read this to your children who care about Earth. And, if they don’t, Dargo will help them to do so! An enjoyable timely tale that will appeal to the magic in all of us. Illustrations
Meet Karina McRoberts
Escape to the heights of your heart and the depths of your soul. And that includes a good laugh!
Karina McRoberts is an Australian author, illustrator, musician, and theatre producer.
Previously working as a conservation scientist, she was struck down by a mosquito-borne virus. No longer able to work, Karina now spends her time writing fiction to inspire, encourage, enlighten and entertain; especially those readers active in social justice, humanitarian work, and protection of the Earth. Her fiction is filled with characters and stories designed to give you a lift.
Karina also writes self-instruction books on illustration and creative writing. There is something for everybody, children included. Her project this year is assistance to older writers wishing to publish a novel or novella, entitled ‘A Novel at Ninety.’
Messy breakup? Want your stuff back from your ex? Shapeshifter August Shade can help. For a reasonable fee, he’ll get your favorite whatever back and hopefully not die in the process.
When a power-hungry elf hires August to get her favorite book back from her vampire ex-lover, August figures it’ll just be another job. Except that vampire is the meanest vampire this side of Canada, the book bestows its reader with the power to write their own future, and the elf isn’t the only one that wants the book. Things go from bad to worse when a horoscope-writing oracle starts having visions of the end of the world, and August pops up in all of them.
The cranky shapeshifter can change into a lot of things, but can he change the future? Haunted by a dark past, plagued by the oracle’s predictions, and grappling with his penchant for making bad decisions, the only sure thing about August’s future is that it looks short.
Meet Scott Burtness
Folks say you should write what you know. That’s darned good advice, so I write about ordinary Midwesterners making an extraordinary mess of things. Oh, one more thing. “Ordinary” totally includes vampires, werewolves, zombies, witches, shapeshifters, aliens, and more!
Being a first responder has its positives and negatives. It seems like Mark Collins experiences more of the negatives than most. Family relations? It’s hard to explain to a nine-year-old daughter why you can’t make it to her soccer game tomorrow. Or Thanksgiving Day dinner for the fourth consecutive year. Companionship? The trust held in his teammates is like no other. Those outside his career field never truly understand. And contending with inept leadership in the workplace can test the bonds of a team. Alone time? It happens. Not often, but it happens. With limited time around those you love, pushing yourself to find time for the things you want for yourself is often taxing. As Mark makes his way through a life of camaraderie and work, he questions his sanity many times over. However, he does find a small beacon of light on his side. His wife, daughter, and teammates. With these priceless pieces of support, he pushes on with the headache and heartache found all too common in the first responder world. And with a new and daunting challenge tossed at their feet, Mark and his squad will need to keep sight of that beacon to emerge unscathed.
Meet K. L. Bedwell
I was born in Florida and moved up and down the east coast, currently calling Pennsylvania home. I’m a father of two daughters and a former entrepreneur of ten years. I have a degree in business and now work in corporate America, which came and still comes as a huge culture shock to me. NOT IN ALL MY… is my first self-published book.
