A Stormful of Pickles

It’s a week before Christmas, and the worst storm in twenty years is about to descend upon Maidstone.

Fran, youthful dinner lady and regular churchgoer, feels a storm building inside her, too. To escape her overbearing father, she has foolishly married Mr Edward Dobbs, a dull and pious fellow, not a bit like the manly heroes of her beloved erotic historical novels. And now she’s trapped behind walls of her own making. She has accepted her life of grey domesticity with stoicism, the only buffer to the monotony of her existence being her weekly visits to a lavish hotel tearoom, where she can indulge her modest fantasies. 

But this is all about to change. Fran is about to embark on a roller-coaster of sexual frustration, desire and fulfilment. Not necessarily in that order. And she’s going to take the men in her life along with her.

As the storm hits, Fran huddles under a tree, waiting for a bus that doesn’t come. Enter not so Good Samaritan Peter Pearson, head of the school English department, with his warm dry car and his seductive Irish charm. While her dark-horse husband cavorts with a forbidden colleague on the other side of town, can Fran repel the charms of this broken teacher and chart a course back to the tranquil waters of her boring life? Does she even want to? 

This storm is about to throw all their lives up in the air. And where they will land is anybody’s guess.


Meet Elliott Fassbinder

Elliott Fassbinder’s professional life has revolved around finance, in some guise or other. But it was his battle with alcoholism and addiction ( recovered alcoholic, 15 years ) that gave him the ideas, and the fuel, to write this story. He believes his experiences in tackling his affliction and the subsequent search for meaning in his own life has given him a profound insight into the absurdity of the human condition. He lives in Hastings, England.

It’s the scoop of a lifetime – if he can write it before they kill him.

Meet Llew Sabler, an outrageous newspaper reporter who makes more news than he writes.

When he’s arrested for a disgraceful fake-news stunt, a repentant Llew becomes a public hate figure and is left facing prison.

Then his heart is shattered when his best friend steals the girl he loves.

With his life in ruins, Llew unearths a shocking and dangerous story.

But he knows it’s more than just a story. It’s a death or glory shot at redemption.

Buy now for a white-knuckle ride into the dark underbelly of local papers in 1990s England.

Dick Wiener Must Die!: A Story Of Redemption

A high-stakes race to stop a world-destroying calamity…

A big-rig-driving pirate packing a shotgun and a bottle of rum…

A genius who cracks time-travel, but can’t stop soiling his pants.

It’s all in a day’s work for mild-mannered toilet company executive Richard Wiener in one of the most outrageous, action-packed comedy adventures ever put to page!

Dick Wiener just wants to bring respect to his family name, but to do it, he must put his day job aside and embark on an epic adventure of hilarious proportions.

Professor Wesley Waxworks is just an average physics professor, until he gets a visit from a most unexpected time traveler…himself.

Downtown Brown just wants to fix his clogged toilet, until he crosses paths with a nuclear terrorist hell bent on ending the world.

When the trio’s paths cross, their seemingly ordinary lives will be turned upside down as they realize that the fate of the world may rest on their every move. The hero of this story is among them, and so is the story’s greatest villain. Worse, they might be the same person. 

In this bats**t crazy adventure: 

• Time-travel!

• Non-stop action!

• Early 20th century sea voyages!

• Beautiful New Jersey!

• A man gets incinerated by a genitalia-shaped torch!

The fate of humanity rests in the unsteady hands of Dick Wiener. 

A one-of-a-kind page-turner that’s left readers everywhere satisfied and smiling, Dick Wiener Must Die! proves that sometimes the biggest adventures come in average-sized packages. 

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Where Worlds Meet

The author is proud to announce that this is her third novel to win the coveted B.R.A.G. medallion for outstanding self-published fiction.

Fast-moving, Gothic adventure, love and dark comedy combine as the rascally French émigré and ex- highwayman, Émile Dubois, and the man vampire inventor Kenrick clash in the sequel to ‘That Scoundrel Émile Dubois’.

The man vampire Kenrick and his savage man Arthur have retreated to Kenrick’s sphere outside time after a fight to the death with Émile and his right hand man, Georges . They plot to return, aided by a team of grotesquely comic monster men and a sinister widow who has her own reasons for co-operating with Kenrick, whose one passion remains reunion with his lost first wife.

When Émile’s maid, Éloise, comes on Arthur seemingly dying, she cannot resist reviving him with the sort of blood transfusion that only vampires need. Drawn into Kenrick’s household, her dreams of humanising Arthur seem futile.

Meanwhile, the birth of a son to Émile’s wife Sophie makes him determined to ensure that all is yet still in Kenrick’s house on the remote Famau Mountain in North Wales.

He and his cousin, the reckless Reynaud Ravensdale (the hero ‘Ravensdale’) – also a former highwayman – travel up from southern England to find out. On the road they meet the mysterious siren, with disastrous consequences.

Warned anonymously, Sophie and Isabella, Reynaud’s wife and former highwaywoman accomplice follow, along with Émile’s comrade-in-arms Georges.

A bloodbath seems unavoidable. Yet, the resourceful Sophie has been doing some strange experiments of her own…

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Everyone Is a Moon: Strange Stories

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“Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.”
—Mark Twain

From Sawney Hatton, the devilishly inventive mind who brought you the acclaimed Dark Comedy novel DEAD SIZE and the YA Noir novella UGLYVILLE, comes this twisted collection of 12 Dark Fiction tales featuring a magical finger, a cannibalistic memorial, an extreme piercing parlor, a Space Age monastery, a budding serial killer, and much more.

Presenting three new, never-before-published stories, as well as re-mastered versions of earlier works, this collection is sure to disturb and delight readers who like to play in the dark.

Stories:
The Good Touch
Cutting Remarks
The Boy Who Cried Alien*
Pet
In Memoriam the Ostrich
The Mortality Machine
The Lord Is My Rocket*
The Beholder
Mr. Gregori*
FYVP
The Dark at the Deep End
Suitable for Framing

*First time published

Teaching Frankenstein: A Cautionary Tale

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Every student has a story…

But you won’t find it here.

Dark, profane, and absurd, this comedy follows the journey of a young teacher on a misguided adventure to resurrect dead dreams. After being let go from his first school, the nameless narrator finds himself at a tough urban high school ready to quit. He decides that the only way to rekindle his passion for teaching is through his favorite novel. It’s a decision that leads him on an unsuspecting journey where he discovers that teaching a book about monsters means dealing with his own first.

The story exposes the importance of friendship and the truth behind what it means to be a teacher. Based on real events, the novel parallels Mary Shelley’s 1818 classic, Frankenstein, and shows that 200 years later, humanity still struggles to identify the real monsters.

It’s a must-read for aspiring educators, teachers, and those struggling with what it means to be a modern-day professional. (Newly Edited. 2nd Edition)