Beast Be Gone

Creatures in your basement? Undead spooking your castle? Infestation of goblins? Beast Be Gone will clear out those pesky pests and save your health and business – (no dragons)

Adventurers rampage across the land, stealing everything from bread rolls to ancient heirlooms, slaughtering countless innocent monsters in their hunt for glory.

Eric, the owner of Beast Be Gone pest control, knows that most creatures can be removed with a bit of repellent, however the adventurers want to do things the flashy way; blowing up half of the dungeon with fireballs in the process.

With no work left, Eric is broke and desperate. That is until a young woman equipped with mechanical gadgets becomes his apprentice. Together they uncover the mystery of a diabolical plot that answers the timeless questions about adventuring…

Why are there so many Chosen Ones? Are goblins inherently evil or are they just misunderstood? Why do all the shopkeepers say they have the best swords in the land? What are the socio-economic implications of all these sword merchants?

Somebody wants a world full of adventurers, but why…?

Terry Pratchett meets Ghostbusters in an RPG world.

Beast Be Gone is a new fantasy comedy novel, which explores the stories of the underdogs of fantasy tales, sometimes known as NPC’s. They’re normal folk just wanting to go to the shops without getting stabbed by a sneaky guy in a cape who got bored of hunting goblins.

A must-read for anyone who loves Dungeons & Dragons, RPG’s and online games (although you’ll never be able to play them again without feeling bad for the men who have to clear up the mess you left behind in dungeons).

Suitable for adults, YA and teens. Available in hardcover (hardback), kindle, ebook and paperback. First published August 2021.


Meet A L Billington

Who is A L Billington? Some say he is just a myth, a phantom, a whisper on the lips of a kindly gentleman. Or maybe he’s just some bloke with access to a word processor and too much time on his hands. Who calls them word processors these days anyway? Turns out A L Billington is old enough to use the term ‘word processor’, yet only ironically, which should tell you exactly how old he is. He’s also the one writing this bit, so it’s very strange that it’s in the third person.

In case you were wondering, the ‘A’ stands for Arthur, and the ‘L’ stands for a secret that he’ll never tell you unless you get him drunk at an awkward party.

Anyway, you all have access to your own word processors, so you can look him up using the magic of the internet. He’s the cheeky chap who set up ‘Billington Publishing’ (in case you hadn’t made that connection based on the narcissistic naming)

My 2 cents about Sweden

Maybe you will like my comments about Sweden as a foreigner, who lived here already some years. I would like to thanks to all my Swedish friend and not only, for inspiration, knowledge and inputs. This is subjective view of Sweden by the eyes of the foreigner (European). Sweden is amazing country with some funny habits and believes. I was not able to write about all of them, but I think I covered the most shocking and interesting for everybody, which I faced during all this years.

Meet Ł

Anonymous

The Clatterbangs Go To Town

The Clatterbangs Go To Town is the third in the Clatterbang series of misadventures.

The Clatterbangs were awful
The worst people you could find
Rude, noisy and terrible
Not one bit of them was kind

The Clatterbangs Go To Town is a rhyming tale written to encourage children to learn lessons from the awful family. It sees the four characters go into a city and try to cause trouble but they always end up worse off.

Meet Neil Gaw

Neil Gaw is the author of the children’s book series, The Clatterbangs. The stories tell the misadventures of a horrible family that try to cause trouble wherever they go, but always end off worst off. Neil works as a carer and is also a singer/songwriter and keen photographer.

The Conjuring of Zoth-Avarex: The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Dragon in the Multiverse

Kept hidden by the United States government for decades, the Site is a place where magic is real. But that doesn’t mean that everything happening there is sparkly. Soul-sucking policies and layers of stifling bureaucracy threaten to take all the fun out of magic.

Harris, a newbie Conjurer, starts his first day of work at the Site bursting with excitement: he’s been brought on for an extremely big project happening the very next day. In a triumph over its habitual inefficiency, the Site manages to carry out its plan and conjure an actual dragon to be used by the military.

The dragon (Zoth-Avarex, the self-proclaimed greatest dragon in the multiverse) immediately eats the person next to him, snatches a “princess” from the ranks of the Conjuring Department, and flies away to the Space Needle. There he manipulates the media, outwits the Site’s bumbling management, demands sixty-three billion dollars’ worth of treasure (because Smaug was said to have had sixty-two billion in his hoard), threatens to destroy the city–and installs a couple of food trucks.

While this book skewers the same fantasy genre it gleefully inhabits, it also pokes fun at corporate culture, today’s obsession with wealth and celebrity, and our denial that life is anything more than meets the eye. Hapless Harris, believing in magic all along, learns to apply what he’s picked up between the pages of fantasy literature.


Meet K.R.R. Lockhaven

K.R.R. (Kyle Robert Redundant) Lockhaven writes humorous, fun fantasy books with a pinch of social satire.
He lives with his wife and two sons. Together they conjured a bearded dragon who rules over a hoard of sand and devours crickets by the dozens.
When not writing or raising kids, he works as a firefighter/paramedic.