Dick Wiener's Caribbean Christmas: An Overstuffed Sequel - ASIN B08C27PTRZ

“A riotous, explosive adventure novel—as hilarious as it is action-packed”

– Joelene Pynnonen, Independent Book Review

There’s trouble in paradise…and hilarious fun!


Dick Wiener traveled back in time and saved the world. Now, he just wants some rest and relaxation. But there’s trouble lurking beneath the turquoise waters near Cayo Pene. 


A mutiny on Dick’s prized new yacht, the Salty Surprise, leaves the toilet-salesman-turned-hero marooned in the tropics, with his family missing. When Dick crosses paths with benevolent drug smuggler and foodie Chavo Cortes, their stories intertwine over a cheeseburger, a half-ton of cocaine and a misplaced hand grenade.


They’re joined by Busty Bixby, an adult film star and assassin, and Father McKill, a hitman for Jesus, who show up in a storm of bullets with Wiener’s name on them. But nothing is what it seems on this imperfect getaway. They’ve all plunged neck deep into a sinister Caribbean conspiracy masterminded by a shadowy figure from Dick’s murky past. With his family in jeopardy and the birthday of the Lord approaching, Wiener must enlist a band of heroic misfits, murderers and fools to fight back.


Facing pirates, profiteers, a drug kingpin and the world’s most dangerous man—a deranged nuclear sub captain—who all aim to scuttle Dick’s dream vacation, how can Dick save Christmas, and save his family from a watery grave? The answer is to kick some ass…again.


If you enjoy the tropical vibes of Jimmy Buffett, the seat-of-your-pants action of Clive Cussler and the oddball comedy of Douglas Adams, this is the epic adventure you’ve been waiting for…


“A bewildering feat of mayhem, madness and turbulent tumescence wrapped-up in one of the most exhaustingly funny books I’ve ever read.”

– Jonathan Harries, Author, “Killing Harry Bones”

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Meet Luther Banks

Luther Banks is a television producer and lifelong storyteller who now devotes his energies to fiction writing. His stories aim to capture the human condition in all of its aspects, including those that mainstream literature conveniently ignores. In his free time, he enjoys the beach, spending time in nature, and doing the three W’s of life: woodworking, wine tasting, and writing (and wizardry).

He is the author of two books in the “Dick Wiener” series. His latest work is entitled “Dick Wiener’s Caribbean Christmas: An Overstuffed Sequel”

2020 Next Generation Indie Book Award Finalist – Young Author

After Gabriel Draven smuggles home the Stone of the Seven Realms, his fear of facing consequences launches him and his oddball family on a rollicking run for their lives across the world they only thought they knew. As his journey takes him out of his realm and into another, Gabriel discovers that the deepest mystery lies at the heart of his own family, and he must do whatever it takes to find his way back home.

Strong and unapologetic, full of vivid, well-timed simile and lilting rhythm, bright with humor, at times bursting into a depth of pure simplistic beauty, The Book Of Secrets looks beyond the typical medieval swords-and-sorcery and, instead, introduces mystical creatures, absurd new worlds, and, at its heart, a hymn of praise to the complicated bond of siblinghood.

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From the author of Girth and Not Going Gently comes the hilarious tale of someone finding life a little tough at the top.

Gentle giant Jacob Waxman probably isn’t the right person to be overseeing the ethics of a voracious international bank.

It was never his dream job and he’s giving it his best shot, but when he gets trapped on the top floor of the building, Jacob’s going to find out that truth is the first casualty.

Because he certainly can’t tell his boss Brittany. She thinks she’s finally seen a spark of ethical passion in him and had only just asked him out on the date he now can’t attend.

Nor does he feel he can tell his colleague Helen and that’s more painful. She and Jacob are the best of friends, but there’s always a lot unsaid between them and she’s prone to panic, so this could be another truth she can’t handle.

Somehow though, he does feel he can tell his online delivery driver. Which leads to some very unorthodox outsourcing solutions.

And yet this new approach to the truth he’s forced to live with may just fix Jacob’s failing career and his non-existent love life. Hell, it might even help fix some of the other problems in his life that need to be addressed.

Just so long as he can keep everything under control.

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The West Yorkshire village of Throgley had absolutely nothing going for it, especially when compared to its illustrious neighbouring villages of Wormhole and Boggett. Then the village was bequeathed funds from a local multi-millionaire to build a public convenience in memory of his name. The lavatories, the Sir Jerrold Wainwright Memorial Public Convenience, immediately known affectionately, and appropriately given its function, as ‘Jerry’s’, was quite magnificent. It was to bring riches to the village beyond its wildest dreams. It also brought, along with the riches, Jerry’s commissionaire ex-Regimental Sergeant Major Horn. At which point things began to go pear-shaped.

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Numa and the Pirates

A thrilling science fiction story with robots and aliens. If that’s what you’re looking for, this is not it. Numa and the Pirates is a charming story of Numa, a handicapped boy on the island of Moog, who becomes an unexpected hero. The book received 5 stars from Readers’ Favorite: readersfavorite.com/book-review/numa-and-the-pirates

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Phat(‘s) Chance for Buddha in Houston (Or How I Spent My Summer Vacation)

It’s what you have been wondering for years–just how many Buddhist monks CAN you fit into a 1970 ruby-red Buick Electra 225 convertible?

Mid-life crisis meets puberty…It’s 1990 and just another typical summer day in Mapletown, Indiana until Uncle Phat, The Reptile (or Uncle Mike, as he used to be called), who seems to have been in a mid-life crisis since he was born, wanders into the garage and gives his puberty-stricken 15 year old nephew, Galen Calcoun, only about an hour to pack. The four of them, a squinting Uncle Phat, his beloved Ruby–a 1970 ruby red white convertible topped Buick Electra 225, Galen, and “the three books about Buddhism” that take their place in the middle of the front seat, are headed to Houston, Texas to “look at an engine” for Ruby. They leave a note for the family and with ZZ Top blaring, take to the road.

Both are escaping not only the monotony of their town but also the tyranny of the “cousins” who by sheer numbers alone, wield chaos-based control over the entire clan, the brunt of which is borne by Uncle Phat though Galen is tiring of it too, even if he doesn’t know it–yet. “Intellectuals in a sea of morons” is how Galen views it ten years later as narrator, recounting their trip that includes lessons in French history from Vincennes (Indiana) and Cape Girardeau, Missouri. Of course they have to make a stop at Mark Twain National Forest. After a foray in a casino bar on a boat in Shreveport, LA, they have a run-in with a bunch of gun-totin’ nature lovers on ATV’s.

Their “irresponsible behavior” is buffered by the people they meet along the way that despite their antics, see the better side, invite them in, befriend them. The point of the trip was what again? Oh yeah, getting to Houston to look at that engine for Ruby except…Starting with the first lie, the trip is predicated on more lies and when it ends, only one of them returns home to Indiana. Wow is now.

Mother Teresa’s Advice for Jilted Lovers

Dark humor, paranormal women’s fiction.

Mother Teresa’s Advice for Jilted Lovers is a hilarious, irreverent take on the darker side of spirituality. 

Every time Tara Holland thinks she’s getting close to finally having her white wedding, the man who should be on his knee, giving her roses, winds up on his back, pushing up daisies. Needless to say, Tara’s beginning to think she’s cursed when it comes to men. 

Her best friend, Betsy, who’s always there to put the pieces back together, convinces Tara she’s the cause of each of her boyfriend’s untimely exits to the other side. Could it be that Tara has that kind of psychic power? And is Betsy right that women all over the world would pay a pretty penny for it?

What follows is a wild and humorous trek down the path of Tara’s spiritual growth and ultimate awakening. But the road to enlightenment is no cakewalk. It’s fraught with stacks of ill-gotten cash, death threats, and orange jumpsuits.

***

1st Place winner for best Mystery/Suspense in the Chanticleer Chatelaine Awards, recognizing emerging new talent and outstanding works in women’s fiction and romance novels.

Nominee for the Whistler Independent Book Award, fiction, recognizing excellence in Canadian independent publishing, 2016.

“Donna Barker’s dark humorous novel has a fresh, snarky voice that will leave readers laughing out loud and turning pages right until the end.” Eileen Cook, author of With Malice

Scharlette Doesn’t Matter and Goes Time Travelling

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Ever since Scharlette’s parents gave her a name no one can really pronounce, she’s been stuck in a bit of a rut. She hates her job in airport security, making people take their belts off before they fly to exotic locations she can only dream about. She owns a small apartment with large repayments, drinks bargain bin red while she watches Star Trek, and misses her little sister, lost to an exploding sandwich press ten years ago.

Scharlette fears she might live out her entire existence without doing anything or mattering to anyone. It still comes as quite a surprise when a handsome time traveller named Tomothy appears out of nowhere and verifies she is correct – that, according to his records, she doesn’t matter at all.

Scharlette isn’t sure this news is as wonderful as Tomothy seems to think but, as he explains, since her life was to have no impact on the timeline whatsoever, Scharlette is free to travel time and space, and have amazing adventures with heedless abandon.

The book is charming and riotously funny. The most enjoyable aspect of the story is its unpredictability.” – Aurealis Magazine

Excerpt

Scharlette rubbed her temples as she woke, hastily compiling information. She was in a spaceship, high above the Earth, speaking with Gordon, an advanced AI from the future. Or perhaps she was in an insane asylum talking to a mouse? It was difficult to be sure. One thing was certain – she was definitely going to be late for work.
‘Gordon,’ she said, and then so many questions jostled for attention she had trouble focusing on one in particular.
‘Yes, Miss Scharlette?’
‘What’s the time?’
‘I’m afraid that is quite difficult to answer, as perspectives tend to differ wildly. However, internal ship time is currently 64:38:91.’
‘Right.’
‘PM.’

It’s hard to describe why this book is good without spoiling a single part of it.” – Two Doctors Media Collaborative

Reader Reviews

“So refreshingly different” Goodreads

“a solid sci-fi romp, and this is one of the few times when “romp” is exactly the right description” Goodreads

“I have never laughed so much while reading a book!” Amazon US

“absolutely the best treatment of time travel all wrapped up in chuckles and spurts of laughter punctuated with moments of sheer terror culminating in a very satisfying ending.” – Amazon US

“The time travel genre has a great new top candidate” Amazon US

“Scharlette is intelligent, real, relatable and very witty.” Goodreads

“dazzlingly colourful, endlessly endearing” Goodreads

“genuinely fun … a proper joy.” Amazon UK

“remarkably easy and enjoyable to follow” Amazon AU

“I loved this book much more than I had expected” Goodreads

Envious

Buckle up, Buttercup, because it’s about to get weird…

My name is Alex Black and I am a Sin-Eater. No, not a Sin-Eater. THE Sin-Eater. You see only one of my kind can exist at a time so when I kick the bucket? Yep, you guessed it. Another will take my place. But hey, everyone has an expiration date right? I’m no different from you… 

Except that I can purge a demonic soul from a possessed human. Yeah, except for that. Oh, and I’m not talking full-on exorcism stuff here. I mean with my own two hands. And I’ll give you one guess where that demonic soul ends up? That’s right! Inside me. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not bragging. I wouldn’t wish this sh*t on my worst enemy… Well, actually I might. 

Anyway, this has been my day to day for the last ten years. And it was going great, until a Fallen Angel seeks me out. Apparently he needs my help but he said I wasn’t ready yet.

Whatever the hell that means.

Unable to shake him I end up learning from him and dare I say it, befriending his annoying ass.
But D was really just the beginning. After that my life pretty much explodes in my face. Between my Sin-Eater duties I end up being rescued by another Fallen Angel. Which was super unfortunate… Mainly because he’s an ass. All of my life I’ve tried to fly solo but these Fallen and their group of angel-baby-hybrids are making it pretty damn hard. Because with them comes someone from my past that I just can’t ignore…

So when The Demon Lord of Envy comes out of the woodwork to snuff out my existence, and kidnaps my twelve year old neighbor, I have no where else to turn.

My past is telling me to turn tail and run but there’s something about these people…

Something that leaves me with a feeling i haven’t felt in a long time.

Hope.

(This Series is in the same world as the Sacrifice Series. It is not necessary to have read the first series to enjoy this book but some of the characters are originally introduced in the previous series.)