Pandora’s Gardener

There’s a war being waged between two secret factions. At stake is the heart of democracy itself.

The key to victory is a small, seemingly harmless, piece of computer hardware, which in the wrong hands, could bring about a technological Dark Age. The race is on to find it as a trail of death is left in its path.

John Cranston is a gardener. He’s not really interested in global domination, he’d much rather mow a lawn. He’s the current keeper of that harmless looking thing.

The problem is – he’s the last person to know.

Meanwhile, Detective Inspector Sutherland and his sidekick Sergeant Bludgeon are working on the mystery of the missing accountants, little knowing that this will lead them into something darker and more sinister, as their paths cross and diverge from the gardener on the run.


Meet D Charles Mason

Bexhill-on-Sea photographer and writer David C Mason is the author of the new novel Pandora’s Gardener, an adventure thriller with added humour.

Originally from London’s East End he “escaped” to the seaside to see out his last years of climbing the corporate greased pole, before giving up to do something more interesting.

After thirty odd years of writing plans, outlines, proposals, strategies, business cases, most of which could have passed as works of fiction (or “scenarios” as they were known), he is no stranger to making things up. He thought it would be a shame to let all that experience go to waste.

When he’s not writing, thinking about writing, or out with his camera, he can sometimes be found telling people that “no, Bexhill-on-Sea is nothing to do with Southend-on-Sea…”

Conversations With the Golf God

Every day around the world golfers wonder if the Golf God is real and how much he impacts the game. This book answers many age old questions. Yes, the Golf God is real! He appeared to local golfer Shanks one day, dancing on a bar at The Fleece Muni Golf Course and told Shanks he had been chosen to be his disciple. “Why have I been chosen?” Shanks asked, bewildered. “Because you are the worst putter I have ever seen and to continue to play the game you have to be filled with devotion,” answered the Golf God righteously. 
The Golf God also informed Shanks he had been assigned the task to write the Golf Gods’ legacy. In between beer, cigarettes, and pizza the Golf God told Shanks the real history of golf, explained the fine points of throwing a club, what golf terms really mean, why we play the game, and a few tips about putting, while Shanks shared several stories about real life golfers at the Golf God’s request – the kind who take your hard earned cash and lie about their handicaps. Grab a slice of pizza, have a beer, maybe a smoke, then sit back and feel like you are in the room enjoying the conversations between Shanks and the Golf God!


Meet Robert K. Swisher Jr.

Robert K. Swisher, Jr. has been writing contemporary fiction since 1967. During this time seven of his novels were published by SUNSTONE PRESS ranging from young adult, contemporary, to historical fiction. Seven of these books are still in print of which three have been converted to e-books. He has received raving reviews from Publishers Weekly, Library Journal, Best Sellers, Midwest Book Review, and numerous others. Over the past several years OPEN TALON PRESS has released a highly acclaimed four book comedy mystery series about a Vietnam vet and his not so nice Guardian Angel, a hilarious golf book, an off center love story, two literary novels, a highly acclaimed reader participation novel and its sequel, and a tongue in cheek writing instructional book based on a course he taught that goes against the grain of what most creative writing instructors hold as dear. Swisher’s novels can be found on Amazon, your local bookstore, Author Central, Facebook, and Goodreads. He can be reached via his Facebook page. At the moment two fiction novels are being edited, he is working on a third, and a contemporary fiction novel,

The Desperation of Harry

In this amazing anti-mystery loaded with dark humor, twenty-three-year-old Monty Hill leaves his Midwestern roots for 1977 Hollywood with dreams of becoming a major film screenwriter. He meets Harry, an unpredictable yet endearing man who in hopes to assist Monty financially, steers him to an apparently dangerous producer of pornographic movies, just as an unidentified pedophile looms in the background, inexplicably relating his own brief narratives. There are shocks and secrets aplenty buried in this intelligent story based on actual events, but it’s up to the reader to figure out where they are hidden before they crash-land with thoroughly unexpected explosions.

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Alexandra Forever 2291, Book One, The Strange Matter of the Red Dwarf

Alexandra Forever 2291, Book One, The Strange Matter of the Red Dwarf - ASIN B08DM6XB5S

This sci fi adventure opens on the crest of a gravity tsunami, when a red dwarf star system punches through the fabric of space-time and barrels toward the Milky Way Galaxy. The Early Warning Centre can only watch helplessly as colonized space braces for impact. 

Questions arise. Is it merely a star system? Or, is something else altogether?

The dire situation takes an unforeseen twist in this science fantasy when an SOS transmission from a long-lost experimental starship, The Invictus, is traced to the sole planet orbiting the red dwarf.  

Alexandra, Post Office Marshal and living goddess, is in an action-packed race against time when she is conscripted to retrieve either the Invictus itself or, failing that, it’s top-secret data, before the ship is lost to imminent galactic collision, or worse, falls into the wrong hands. 

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Fun Stories Greatest Hits

Enjoy the biggest laughs, the craziest stories, the most comedy. 40 greatest hits! 

Featuring multiple tales from the top 10 of the iTunes comedy chart 

The ultimate destination for humorous short stories. TV and radio personality R. Scott Murphy takes you on a wild ride through office pranks, romance fails, commuter clowns, parenting problems, and the day he quit Cub Scouts. No topic is safe from his off-the-wall comedic sense of observation. 

Fun Stories Greatest Hits is a must-have collection of laugh-out-loud life stories sure to please humor readers, comedy connoisseurs, and fans of sitcoms such as Seinfeld, Friends, and The Office. 

Make Fun Stories Greatest Hits your next comedy adventure. Get it now. 

PRAISE FOR FUN STORIES:
“Five big stars. The funniest book I’ve read in a long time!”  

“Murphy is funny and charmingly off the wall. I love all five Fun Stories books and these are the greatest hits!”

“There are rollicking adventures in every chapter. It’s my go-to gift for friends and family.” 

“Hilarious book. Witty humor like Dave Barry, Trevor Noah, Nick Offerman, and Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader.”

INCLUDES ALL OF THESE POPULAR STORIES & MANY MORE:
“Chick-fil-A Makes Me Feel Like Leonardo DiCaprio” 
“The Least Amount of Fame Possible (Old MacDonald)”
“Cub Scout Dropout”
“Not the Next Carrie Underwood”
“Bigfoot Popcorn”
“Gatorade For Your Soul”
“Shamelessly Suggestive City Names” 
“I’m the Freakin’ Michael Phelps of Googling” 
“Alright, Alright, Alright!”
“Mind Game of Thrones”
“Happy Friday (Mr. Pee Man)” 
“Clown Commuter Award”
“How NASA Thins The Herd”
“Crunchy Roads, Take Me Home” 
“Good Folks, Bad Coaching”
“Ultimate Waitress Revenge”
“Battle of the Bands”  

Get a free Fun Pack of stories at www.mentalkickball.com.

The Fun Stories family also includes:
Fun Stories For Your Drive To Work
Fun Stories For Your Drive Home
Fun Stories: Random City Limits
Fun Stories: Searching For More Cowbell

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The Hack

The Hack - ASIN B087NJ91XF

?  Sometimes the best lessons are learned in the most terrible ways. ?

This is a story about two writers. 

One is published, rich, and famous; the other, unpublished, poor, and unknown.

The rich guy is me, Max McMillan. I’m the greatest hack ever. I swear I am.

On most days, I walk around the house naked and publish best-selling books every few months or whatever.

The women come and go like it’s a goddamn whorehouse. But I’m thinking about marriage. See, there’s this girl. She’s got a name, but I can’t remember it. I call her Cowgirl Up. It suits her well. 

I don’t love her because I don’t think I can. I only love four people: my poor writer friend, Jack, his wife, Jane, and their two kids, Lucy and Nathan.

I hate everyone else. 

Did I say Jane is dying from cancer?

And I hate cancer.

This is my story. It’s absurd and outrageous. It really is.

If you’re an asshole like me, you’ll really love this story. I swear you will. It’s that crazy.

And if you buy this book, I just might buy myself another Corvette. (Hell, at least you know that I’m also honest.)

Goddamn, I fucking hate cancer.

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A Psychic Couldn’t See It

A Psychic Couldn't See It - ASIN B01J6FFHRK

Even the best psychic occasionally gets things wrong, but Lizzie Chandler’s mistake almost lands her six feet under.

Lizzie’s not one to let a little thing like a murder attempt destroy her new psychic matchmaking business. She puts on her happy face and takes on 24-year-old Myra, her most challenging client yet.

Myra’s afraid of men and insists on marrying a senior citizen who doesn’t want sex. Lizzie’s a sucker for anyone in need and really wants to help Myra, but she’s a psychic, not a miracle worker. In spite of her best efforts, she has no luck finding Myra her Mr. Right. She begins to wonder if her new client is unmatchable.

But Myra is not Lizzie’s only problem. She has annoying senior citizens demanding everything from driving lessons to sleuthing tips. She also has a news woman trying hard to discredit her psychic abilities.

As if that isn’t more than enough, weird things are happening that make Lizzie question her sanity. It’s a lot for the nearly murdered psychic to handle. Is it time to trade her cozy little matchmaking office for a padded cell?

Life Lessons from Grandpa and His Chicken Coop: A Playful Journey Through Some Serious Sh*t

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Love is superior, family is mighty, and we were put here, not for ourselves, but for each other. These are the core values that were passed down to me from my grandfather. Don’t chase the chickens because one day one might just chase you back, beer is more than just a breakfast drink, and do what you want, not what you’re told… these were also some things of value that were passed down to me from Grandpa.

Growing up just down the hill from my grandfather and his chickens taught me more about life than anything that I could’ve learned in school (had I paid attention). Learning how to stand up for myself, to lend a helping hand, to nurture, and protect the things I love, are just a few of the lessons that I learned while crossing that grassy path between his house and mine.

Life Lessons from Grandpa and His Chicken Coop is a book about love, family, youth, maturing, and all the learning that happens in between. It is a powerful, humorous, insightful, playful, and philosophical narrative about perspective and the lessons that I have learned growing up just as ornery as my ornery grandfather and his precious chickens.

Death is a Woman Omnibus

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Grim Reapers. Saving lives. Lessons in love.

Get the entire Death is a Woman series for one very low price, including the prequel!

When Death Becomes a Woman:

For some, it’s a fictitious world. But for Debra Stone, it’s everyday life.

After a chance encounter with a man she enjoys throws her down a path she almost can’t believe, she struggles to cope with her newfound purpose.

Saving lives.

Ushering souls into the afterlife. It can’t be real, right? But the men who catch her in the act are real. And their adoration for her is very real.

Drinking With Death:

For some, it’s a fictitious world, but for Debra’s friend, it will become her life.

For once, nothing is going right in her world, but she always has her friend to help her, right?

Right?

Ushering souls into the afterlife was something she scoffed at…until it became all too real.

Disorganized as Death:

For some, it’s a fictitious world, but for Jessica Flores, it will become her life.

Jessica prizes one thing above all else: her salon.

Little does she know that her business competitor, Charity, has passed onto her something that will fight for that first-place spot in her life.

The foul-mouthed hairdresser is known in the community for her crass advice, her shark-like tactics in the boardroom, and her unforgiving nature.

All’s Fair in Death and War:

For some, it’s a fictitious world, but for Debra’s friend and assistant, it will become his life.

Jonathan knew about the real world and death, he even thought it exciting. Until he became the next recipient.

Ushering souls into the afterlife was something he thought to be exciting… until he was drafted.

Two Sides of Death:

What happens when two sides of Death meet up for battle? Will either walk away unscathed?

Polly, an independent reporter with her own blog, was onto something big. If only she could find the man who’d been saving people’s lives all over New York City. Others had said he was a superhero, but she had dubbed him The Savior.

Grab a glass of wine and read this boxed set. Just be careful when taking a sip since the laughs can be dangerous!

Go up and click ‘Buy’ or ‘Read For Free’ now and start reading a series that turns love and relationships totally around.

Mel and Shar’s Erotic Adventures: Tales from the Boomer Life

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Are baby boomers panting for Elderly Erotica?

Mel and Shar, two friends of a certain age, say, “Absolutely!”

So, despite the fact that neither lady has ever watched a porn video or read anything steamier than Eighties romances, they decide Elderly Erotica is their ticket to fame and fortune.

Because…why not?

Surely, at least a few of their fellow boomers—who were once into sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll—remain interested in something spicier than the Senior’s Menu at Black-eyed Pea.

Can Mel and Shar start a successful porn business by filming certain sexual acts—later TBD–with a smartphone?

Can they write successful erotica with only a passing acquaintance of four-letter-words, not to mention marginal computer skills?

Follow the adventures of Mel McCartney and Shar Ledowsky, as they kind of, sort of explore the world of Elderly Erotica.

And, if they become porn clowns who host political porn parties in order to increase voter registration; are picketed by protestors of their C***y, C** and C**ks: Recipes for Desire cookbook, and become intimately acquainted with one Hot Shot police officer along the way, well…

That just proves Mel and Shar are up for anything.

Okay, to clarify:

Mel and Shar’s Erotic Adventures: Tales from the Boomer Life was born out of the author and her childhood friend’s late-night giggle fests, which always include the following lamentation: “What the hell happened to us boomers?”