humour

THUNDRHED!

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Thundrhed is a vikingish barbarian who farms turkeys for a living. At around the age of thirty he decides to sell his land and travel, so he journeys to the big city to unload the last of his livestock. Being a hayseed in the city for the first time, he inevitably goes on a bender. Tavern brawls follow, and a whorehouse, fights with a patchwork zombie and a leper, and a pivotal encounter with a mystical weirdo who tells him of a secret treasure hoard in which he will find the key to his destiny. Somehow, he lives through the night. Post epic hangover, he makes his way to Soenso’s Rare Goods and Interesting Clutter Emporium to speak with Ōle, a purveyor of trinkets and exposition. From Ōle he learns the details of the treasure hidden beneath the Dragon Throne across the sea. He hops on a ship, sails to the land of sinister foreigners, cobbles together a slipshod plan and smuggles himself into the Forbidden Temple. He sets out to interrupt a ritual sacrifice, defeat the guards, rescue the girl, fight off the monsters and discover the treasure chamber. Will he loot the treasure and leg it, two steps in front of the authorities and an angered magnucapra (or greater were-goat) and ride hell-for-leather to the port city, board a ship and escape, intact and wealthy? If so, fireworks and fanfare, drinks on Thundrhed. A little too dry? The devil’s in the detail. Thundrhed is a story for a Sunday afternoon when you’d rather let someone else do the heavy lifting. THUNDRHED! will be available free from 1/9/23 to 30/9/23

Meet Damon Wolfe

Damon Wolfe is a figment of his own imagination. He writes stories for people to read because he thought that would be a good thing to do. He is the author of THUNDRHED!, but not the author of Tanglewood. That’s a different guy. When not doing mundane things that you don’t care about, he divides his time between adventurous barbarians, pirates, dragons, monsters, space ships and existential crises, little of which he takes seriously. He has no presence on social media because he doesn’t want one, while casually detesting humanity’s addiction to mobile phones. Nor does he maintain a blog, website or agent, or carefully developed opinions about such things. You might as well address any letters to the man in the moon. He blames much of this on listening to Billy Connolly albums and reading Fritz Lieber. He could have been a contender, he could have been Dostoevsky! But no, here’s Thundrhed!, all in capitals, with an exclamation point and it’s spelled wrong. It’s meant to be. Do authors always refer to themselves in the third person when penning these little bios, or does someone else write them? Maybe he should have pursued traditional publishing. Damon Wolfe’s next book will likely be a novella-length piece entitled PIRATE SCUM!, but that’s been on a back burner for twenty-five years, so don’t hold your breath.

Pink Punch

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Kris Mahrone’s parents have separated, and she can’t understand why – until she discovers her mother has been moonlighting as Northberg’s latest superhero, Pink Punch. With Dad a detective on the police’s Vigilante Crimes Unit? Yup. Sounds like irreconcilable differences.

Pink Punch is investigating Techcorp’s plans to control the city’s police force. She swears Kris to secrecy, moments before being caught in an explosion that puts her into a coma. Kris is determined to find those responsible for hurting her mother, but with no one willing to investigate a plot that also places her father in danger, she puts on Pink’s power-armour and slips into the superhero’s role. As Pink Punch, she meets Northberg’s other supers, including Zero K, an energetic boy with ice powers, who, irritatingly, turns into a blundering fanboy whenever Pink is around. And Kris will need their help. Because the Boss, CEO of Techcorp, considers Pink’s suit her property, and she wants it back.

Meanwhile, Kris’ father holds Pink responsible for his wife’s coma. He wants answers and he’ll do whatever it takes – even if that means becoming the guinea pig for Techcorp’s newest power-armour, designed to be a match for Pink Punch, punch for punch.

Meet Laura Kinch

Laura Kinch lives in North Queensland, Australia, where she works as a mechanical engineer with sugar trains. When she isn’t engineering, she uses her problem-solving abilities to construct fictional worlds and technology, and haul her characters out of the messes she creates for them. She likes reading and video games, has an entire room full of Lego, and watches too many Disney cartoons.

Helen’s Melons Fly South

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Helen has a dilemma when it comes to her melons. Along with her friend Ellen, they discreetly divulge their problem, that makes you question whether there may be a subtle undercurrent of satirical naughtiness. This book is clean for children, but I would advise parental guidance for sake of anybody that may be sensitive to this form of word play. Suffering from a bad bout of gardening, Helen is unable to grow perfect melons, unlike her friend Ellen, and takes matters into her own hands to rectify the matter. In a sensational series of events, can Helen sort out her melons, or will Ellen reign supreme? Read on and find out. Inspired by completely untrue events, the title says it all, whilst also saying precisely zero or less. I hope this book makes you laugh, as the pilot copy we created went down a storm, and had people bent double with laughter.

Meet Jamie Greenlees

Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations. Follow Jamie Greenlees I, Jamie Greenlees, have been involved with crass parody in one form or another since I can remember. I am an old soul, and ‘Curseanova’ is my first self-published book, having written numerous satirical articles for ‘Figure 8 media’. I have mapped out an idea for a second novel, so get ready to not buy it. I currently work full time for a North American Insurance Company, and despite the content of this book, I live happily with my girlfriend of five years now in South East Essex. My favourite saying is ‘morons take a knife and stab people in the back, whereas the wise take a knife, cut the cord, and set themselves free from the morons’. I listen to and DJ vinyl only jungle and drum and bass music, and often carve a face into jacket potatoes before I stick them in the oven, as It’s always nice to have some company for dinner. My pipeline dream is to have enough money to build a modern and self-sufficient off grid home in a remote part of the World, such as Alaska, and my best friend at work is whichever one brings cake and sausage rolls in to the office for sharing, which today was Brenda – I love that old trout. I am a firm believer that Zombies DO exist, having once looked at myself in the mirror before my breakfast Red Bull. Finally, I find it strange that when a cat licks its bottom people find it ‘cute’, yet when I do it, everybody on the train refers to me as a ‘weirdo’.
Website : https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B09GKRRC1Z/about

Welcome to D*ck n B*lls Tower!

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What’s it like to live and work deep in forested isolation at a fire tower for six months of the year? While battling mental instability. And the medication prescribed for it. And your Mother. And your Maker. And your Maker’s assassins who see you as nothing more than an easy piece of meat supported by two edible stilts. And inappropriate behaviour around your female supervisor’s posterioso perfectus. And a tendency to enter your wiener boat in too many spankathons. And a multitude of other questionable habits. And, and, and, ad infinitum.

Oh, Tony. Tch, tch, tch.

Meet Tony Butterworth (and his unfortunate sidekick, “Gorby”), a fifteen-year veteran of forestry’s seasonal Game of Towers. A secret worshipper at the altar of that delectable skankstress, Muffy—sixty kilometers to his southeast. Co-conspirator and trusty lookout for Dingleberries’ infamous “Turd Burglar,” Boogie Bowshaw. Sufficiently obsessed with the legendary tower duo, D*ck n B*lls. Novice Cornholer. Whisper Gardell’s new reluctant boyfriend.

Oh, Tony. It’s Uncle Bonzo, mate. Can you smell the shrimp on the barbie? Why don’t you drop in and join us for a round. Where for art thou? Tony. We miss you.

“Hysterical and inventive … an ingenious and brilliant work of art … I won’t be forgetting it any time soon.” – Foluso Falaye (5-Stars: Readers’ Favorite).

“If I had to summarize this cocktail of insanity, I’d say get a tall glass, add one shot of Terry Pratchett, a healthy measure of Hunter S. Thompson, top up with some Jim Jefferies and garnish with one of those special mushrooms people aren’t supposed to eat….” – Michael Gardner (5-Stars: Readers’ Favorite).

“The plot is quirky and completely unique … the narrative throughout is wonderfully vivid and descriptive … this novel will make you laugh but also shed a tear….” – Lesley Jones (5-Stars: Readers’ Favorite).

Meet Jeff Pearson

Jeff Pearson was born in Pembroke, Ontario, Canada, in 1963 and attended Carleton and Lakehead Universities where he mostly majored in Maximum Intoxication / Fiasco Production. Then he went vagabond—rambling / exploring / travelling / working—for years, all over Canada and beyond. For the past twenty years, he has been manning various fire towers deep in the Canadian wilderness. Mr. Pearson’s memoir, Miss Nude Canada’s Shoes (And Other Fiascos) – Act I * Greenhorn, was a 2020 Readers’ Favorite book award winner in the non-fiction humour category. Jeff has been seriously stoned on ASMR since he stumbled upon it in 2014.

The Free

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Milgorry turned cold eyes upon Tiernan. ‘Say it,’ he demanded. ‘If you do this, I’ll hunt you down and return your dead body to the Creator. That is the law, and I’m bound by the law. I am a Guardian. I’ll have no choice,’ his voice dropped to a whisper. ‘There’s always a choice,’ said Milgorry. ‘If this is such a problem why don’t you return me right here and right now? You know you can!’‘ Because you’ve not done anything wrong yet,’ said Tiernan, sounding insecure.‘ But you can see into my mind! You know I’m going to do this!’ Tiernan’s shoulders sagged. ‘Please don’t do this. There must be another way.’‘ I don’t see any other way,’ Milgorry said bleakly. ‘Then go. But think hard on this before you act. You say there’s always a choice, but I’m not Free. For me there’s no choice. So be assured, if you do this, I will come after you. And I will find you. And I will return you.’ Milgorry was startled to feel the depth of pain emanating from the Guardian. ‘I’ll think on it, but if I find no other way to save my people, I’ll do what I have to do, and you can hunt me down and return me if you must.’ He ran down the stone steps, dodging Borgulnay, Timbul and Araas as they passed by. ‘Mil!’ Timbul called after him. ‘Where are you going? ‘Home,’ said Milgorry, not looking back. Disease ravages the land of Nyinaku, bringing the physically superior race known as the Fallen to their knees. Unable to watch his people die, Milgorry of Tarl, the land’s foremost cunning and deadly warrior, defies Tiernan, Lord of the Guardians, and returns to Nyinaku, intent on sharing the forbidden gift of healing with the Fallen race. Constrained by the laws of the Guardians, Tiernan struggles with the fact that he is required to disregard their friendship and hunt down the most dangerous Fallen warrior he has ever known. Meanwhile, knowing the illness will spread like wildfire and cripple neighbouring countries, an army of Fallen warriors prepares to use the opportunity to their advantage, and defying the orders of Prince Garran, they gather for war against the humans in the land of Alkira and their Guardian allies. In the Kingdom of Alkira, young King Kelian races against time to find a cure for the disease as it decimates his people, whilst preparing his nation for a war he knows he will not win.

Meet Danielle O’Sullivan

Danielle (Dan) O’Sullivan is a writer of fantasy fiction who has published 4 books in the Daoine Maithe series. She was born in 1971 in Emerald, Queensland, Australia, and her family relocated to Toowoomba at the age of 8. After marrying an Australian man of Irish descent, she became interested in the idea of a world with a fusion of Australian and Irish mythological history, hence the combination of interesting names, places, and language in her books.
O’Sullivan is currently working on a fantasy trilogy for middle grade children, titled The Ruby Key.
Her hobbies include amateur astronomy and teaching classical ballet, jazz ballet and tap dancing at her own dance studio located in her home suburb of Highfields. She is an avid fan of the works of JRR Tolkien and Raymond Feist. She has a particular interest in fantasy fiction for middle grade children and is working towards publishing The Ruby Key trilogy in the coming year.

The Adulterer’s Confession: A Novel

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The Adulterer's Confession - ASIN B07V29TC9M

“Excuse me. Do you mind if I squeeze past?”

And so it begins.

Two strangers meet on a plane. 

One has a terrible confession to make. But is it safe to tell a stranger?

The other is haunted by past mistakes and looking for a fresh start.

Over the course of their ten-hour flight they come to know each other’s deepest, darkest secrets. 

Is confession good for the soul or is it better to keep your crimes bottled up inside?

Discover what becomes of Lee, Tamsin and Jake.

Rated FIVE STARS by real readers:

Praise for The Adulterer’s Handbook: A Novel

“Wow. This book is fantastic! I had absolutely no idea when I started reading that I’d be taken on this journey. The writing is great.”

“I really enjoyed this book. I’m not sure how to categorize it — a thriller or just good fiction?Regardless, I highly recommend it! I didn’t want to put it down!”

“The tale weaves its way down a winding path so beautifully that, before you know it, you’re at this bizarre place in the story where every character is not who you thought they were!”

“I was drawn to this novel because I was interested to see how the author handled the subject of infidelity, purely from a male perspective. He’s done an excellent job.”

“The humour and author’s style are reminiscent of David Nicholls.”

“There is much to admire in this entertaining read. The dialogue is natural, the editing is well done and the narrative flows. All in all, a good debut novel and I feel sure we’ll see more from this promising new writer. I recommend you give it a try.”

“The book just becomes fun. It’s like a puzzle that you’re trying to figure out.”

“The internal dialogue is so hilarious that I literally LOL’d a few times.”

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Good Girl (The Siren Island Series Book 1)

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What the heck was she doing on this island?

Samantha Jameson finds herself washed up on Siren Island – well, if she was to be honest with herself, more like worn-out, defeated, and dead tired. Her whole life has been spent playing by the rules, and for what? An empty apartment, a career with no upward movement, and one failed relationship after another. When it all blows up in her face, what’s a girl to do but book a last-minute trip to the ridiculously named Laughing Mermaid Bed & Breakfast on an unknown speck of an island in the Caribbean?

Lucas Mosteron knows all about burning out from first-hand experience. Over the years, he’s discovered that he isn’t the only one, as everyone has their own unique story for landing on Siren Island – including his lovely and mysterious neighbors at The Laughing Mermaid Bed & Breakfast. Little does he know that there is more to their story than he could ever have imagined possible. When Samantha Jameson arrives as their guest – depleted and needing respite, Lucas can’t help but feel like he could be the man she needs. Irresistibly drawn to her uptight demeanor, Lucas is determined to unwind Samantha and show her that life on Siren Island could be the answer to all her problems.

The Siren Island Series

Book 1: Good Girl
Book 2: Up to No Good
Book 3: A Good Chance (Expected early 2020)

Queenie’s Teapot

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Now optioned for a movie! The perfect antidote to political blues.
A post-Brexit, post-Trump romp through the world of what-if: In a world where democracy has been declared no longer fit for purpose, a cohort of randomly selected British Republic citizens receive their call to serve in parliament. As the strangers gather to learn their tasks for the next three years, the Cabinet Support Team try to fit jobs to skills–but Queenie can’t do nuffin’. Naturally she becomes head of state. Together the new government muddles through, tackling unrest on the streets and a spot of global bioterrorism in addition to their own journeys of self-discovery.