Johnny’s Ridealong

Did you know that the average male bladder can hold approximately one pint of liquid? However, when it comes to an Irishman, his bladder tends to have a somewhat larger capacity. The bladder of a healthy Irishman can typically hold at least 750ml which is nearly one and a half pints. Yet, there are always exceptions to the norm. Every once in a while a man with an exceptionally large bladder emerges, and with some training and determination, he can accommodate a significantly greater volume than the average person. Famous, among other things, for his remarkable bladder capacity (it is well-known that before having to relieve himself he has, on occasion, imbibed up to four pints of lager), Johnny Two Kebabs shares his experiences in this fifth instalment of his memoirs. He sets forth in gritty detail how, during a “ridealong” with two police officers, they are suddenly called to investigate the murder of a prominent Conservative MP. It is in this gripping narrative that Johnny portrays how his “enhanced bladder capacity” plays a crucial role in foiling a daring assassination attempt orchestrated by the Cornish separatist group, the C.N.L.O.

Meet Johnny Two Kebabs

On 15th June 2011, an extraordinary event took place in Brixton, south London. On that day, an Irishman devoured two doner kebabs in a mere 1 minute and 59 seconds. What made this feat even more remarkable was the fact that he had already indulged in 13 pints of lager. His real achievement, however, has been his relentless pursuit of justice and now in his recently published memoirs, he describes his adventures for which he came to be known as the ‘Gunslinger of truth,’ the Lone Marshall of south London and ‘the conscious vigilante,’ However, today, the world has come to know him best as – Johnny Two Kebabs.

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The ultimate destination for humorous short stories. TV and radio personality R. Scott Murphy takes you on a wild ride through office pranks, romance fails, commuter clowns, parenting problems, and the day he quit Cub Scouts. No topic is safe from his off-the-wall comedic sense of observation. 

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