Bell Hammers

PRANKS. OIL. PROTEST. JOKES BETWEEN NEWLYWEDS. AND ONE HILARIOUS SIEGE OF A MAJOR CORPORATION.

Remmy grows up with Beth in Bellhammer, Illinois as oil and coal companies rob the land of everything that made it paradise. Under his Grandad, he learns how to properly prank his neighbors, friends, and foes. Beth tries to fix Remmy by taking him to church. Under his Daddy, Remmy starts the Bell Hammer Construction Company, which depends on contracts from Texarco Oil. And Beth argues with him about how to build a better business. Together, Remmy and Beth start to build a great neighborhood of “merry men” carpenters: a paradise of s’mores, porch furniture, newborn babies, and summer trips to Branson where their boys pop the tops of off the neighborhood’s two hundred soda bottles. Their witty banter builds a kind of castle among a growing nostalgia.

Then one of Jim Johnstone’s faulty Texarco oil derricks falls down on their house and poisons their neighborhood’s well.

Poisoned wells escalate to torched dog houses. Torched dog houses escalate to stolen carpentry tools and cancelled contracts. Cancelled contracts escalate to eminent domain. Sick of the attacks from Texaco Oil on his neighborhood, Remmy assembles his merry men:

“We need the world’s greatest prank. One grand glorious jest that’ll bloody the nose of that tyrant. Besides, pranks and jokes don’t got no consequences, right?”

:: PRAISE FOR LANCELOT SCHAUBERT AND BELL HAMMERS ::

“Schaubert recounts a mischievous man’s eight decades in Illinois’s Little Egypt region in his picaresque debut. Remmy’s life of constant schemes and pranks and a lifelong feud with classmate Jim Johnstone and the local oil drilling company proves consequential. This is a hoot.” 

— Publisher’s Weekly

“BELL HAMMERS is written in a style not unworthy of John Kennedy Toole and William Faulkner – the vivid characterization of Southern ethnography commingled with stark, episodic spectacle breathes with the spirit of quintessential Americana. It is a text I would happily assign in an American Novel class and would expect it to yield satisfying discourse alongside works in the canon, whether beside the sardonic prose of Mark Twain or the energetically painful narratives of Toni Morrison.”

— Dr. Anthony Cirilla

“Schaubert’s words have an immediacy, a potency, an intimacy that grab the reader by the collar and say, ‘Listen, this is important!’ Probing the bones and gristle of humanity, Lancelot’s subjects challenge, but also offer insights into redemption if only we will stop and pay attention.”

— Erika Robuck, national bestselling author of Hemingway’s Girl

“Myth, regret, the lore of our heritage and the subtle displays of our castes — no one so accurately and imaginatively captures the joys and sorrows of life in the Midwest as Schaubert does here. BELL HAMMERS is a Tree Grows in Brooklyn as told by Gabriel Garcia Marquez if Marquez lived in rural Illinois and only told stories to his grandkids. Seriously a delight to read.”

— Colby Williams, author of the Axiom Gold Medal winning book Small Town, Big Money

“Loved BELL HAMMERS because Lancelot wrote about people who don’t get written about enough and he did it with humor, compassion, and heart.”

— Brian Slatterly, author of Lost Everything and editor of The New Haven Review

“I’m such a fan of Lancelot Schaubert’s work. His unique view and his life-wisdom enriches all he does. We’re lucky to count him among our contributors.”

— Therese Walsh, author of The Moon Sisters and Editorial Director of Writer Unboxed


Meet Lancelot Schaubert

Two excerpts of Lancelot Schaubert’s (lanceschaubert.org) debut novel BELL HAMMERS sold to The New Haven Review ( Yale’s Institute Library ) and The Misty Review, while a third excerpt was selected as a finalist for the last Glimmer Train Fiction Open in history. He has also sold poetry, fiction, and nonfiction to TOR (MacMillan), The Anglican Theological Review, McSweeney’s, Poker Pro’s World Series Edition, The Poet’s Market, Writer’s Digest, and many similar markets.

Spark + Echo chose him for their 2019 artist in residency, commissioning him to write four short stories.

He has published work in anthologies like Author in Progress, Harry Potter for Nerds, and Of Gods and Globes — the last of which he edited and featured stories by Juliet Marillier (whose story was nominated for an Aurealis award), Anne Greenwood Brown, Dr. Anthony Cirilla, LJ Cohen, FC Shultz, and Emily Munro. His work Cold Brewed reinvented the photonovel for the digital age and caught the attention of the Missouri Tourism Board who commissioned him to write and direct a second photonovel, The Joplin Undercurrent, in partnership with award-winning photographer, Mark Neuenschwander.

He remains a committed husband to the grooviest girl on earth and is a public advocate for more free range trees. You know, Ents.

The Finding Of Another World

Aiken Young, a new astronaut, is on a mission in space when he gets sucked into a black hole. Discovering that the black hole has actually teleported him across the whole universe instead of killing him, he travels to his only chance of survival: a nearby, Earth-like planet. Upon finding that this planet houses humans and monsters- some capable of magic- who are in the middle of a medieval war, Aiken is forced into battle, left to fend for himself as the war progresses, leaving information and opportunities to unfold during his fight for survival as the war deepens and the danger only increases with time. Twists, turns, pain and glee lay ahead of Aiken along with a simple question: was the choice to come to this planet a good one?

Meet James Butler

I’m a young (16) British author. I usually write quite quickly, and I have some big plans for future releases. I’m always looking to improve my craft, so I’d appreciate you leaving any reviews or ratings on any of my books following you reading them. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Wolf Harvest

Love and friendship take a backseat to survival—especially if you’re a young male wolf on the outskirts of suburban Pittsburgh.
Coda navigates the city and forest, fascinated by these strange creatures called the two-legs and the metal beasts that transport them. He hunts game, encounters new allies, while enduring the brutality of bitter rivals. His routine of blood and stealth is interrupted when a mysterious female from another land enters his world, then turns it upside down.
Observing him is Amy—a beautiful, brilliant, but socially isolated college student—and Sam—a handsome, charming, college basketball star. Under the guidance of their zoology professor, they document the actions and movements of the coywolf species.
When they see Coda heading to northern Canada, Sam and Amy will drop everything during the blizzard of the century to follow him.
Together, these lost souls (human and animal alike) will discover that the only thing more important than knowing how to survive in this dangerous, chaotic world is knowing who you are, and what you’re surviving for.
Wolf Harvest is a tale of suspense, humor, heartbreak, bigotry, and cunning in the face of fear.

Creative and enjoyable for audiences of all ages and species, this book will keep you thrilled to the end. Buy Wolf Harvest and you won’t regret it.

Wild Hare (Bargain Book)

Listed by Kirkus Review as one of the 100 best indy books of 2019.      “The world is coming to an end.”      I pushed the oil rags and cigarette butts off the seat of my friend Arne’s old pickup truck and climbed in. He threw the truck into gear, gunned the engine, and smirked. “What’s the point of being a fairy if you can’t wave a magic wand and get shit done?”
     Yeah, I’m a fairy. No, not that kind.
     I let a half mile of clear-cut rumble past the window while I thought about my crappy mood, contemplating the butchered landscape. Back when I was a kid, I used to enjoy the ride to town because the road wound through a mosaic of wetlands and forest and lakes.
      Mostly gone now: the forest, the marshes around the lakes, the moose.
     Yeah, I’m half-human, half-forest spirit from the wild hare clan–what anthropologists call a trickster–and I live by the wild hare code of “feed, fight, fornicate”; except that’s using the nice word for it.
       Maybe Arne had a point. Maybe I didn’t fight hard enough to better this world I so reluctantly belonged to. After all, my personal life was generally OK, so why get into a brawl about shit I couldn’t change?
       What I didn’t know, as the ruined scenery brushed past, was that my personal life would soon go tits up too, and I’d get pushed into fighting in ways I’d never fought before. Lucky me.


Meet Laura Koerber

I live on a island in the Puget Sound with my husband and my dogs. I am a retired teacher, presently doing in -home care for disabled people while volunteering at a dog rescue

My degree is in art, and I am a painter, graphic artist, and ceramic sculptor. The writing started about five years ago, a surprise to me and everyone who knows me, since I had never written anything before.

The review for my first book in Kirkus Review: https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-re…

I think I learned to write by reading. I am a voracious omnivore of books

Magi of Gaia – Volume One: I Told a Lie

Three young, inexperienced magicians must defend their world against a wave of increasingly difficult opponents. That’s what Magi of Gaia is essentially about, but if you’re only looking for fierce, hard-hitting action, you’ll overlook the humor, kindness, and drama that bring this world to life. Sure, you might be happy with the amazing uses of magic and the broken noses, but you’ll miss out on seeing the quick temper of the usually-composed Jorri, the softheartedness escaping from Yuna’s severe demeanor, or Eren’s courage overcoming her self-doubt.

This trio, the Magi, are the imperfect heroes—human in spite of their incredible powers—and are tasked with keeping their world from falling into darkness. When a magician enters Gaia’s realm, it’s the Magi’s job to find them, determine whether or not they are hostile, and deal with the situation appropriately. It’s a lot to ask, and things aren’t helped by the appearance of a woman claiming to be a deity whose sole joy seems to be breaking the Magi’s spirit … and their bodies. This woman shows her powers seldomly, but when she does, she breaks the very logic of their world and makes it look effortless.

Come and read more. Find out how our heroines can laugh and joke around, even under the toughest of circumstances. See if you can figure out why Eren, a girl who should be a beloved hero, is treated as though she’s diseased. Discover why 80% of Gaia’s population is … female?!

It seems Gaia is different from Earth is more ways than you might think.


Meet T.E. Holtz

T.E. Holtz is an American writer who first started drafting the original Magi of Gaia (then titled “Welcome to Gaia”) as a playful hobby online in 2014. After a year of writing for fun, Holtz saw that the story could be reworked in a meaningful way with more excitement, better characterization, and a more, fuller view of this new world called Gaia. Finally, after years of tweaking and developing, Holtz ended a nearly 10-year employment at one of the world’s largest retailers in hopes of pursuing a love grander than the universe—a love for the world of Gaia and all the beloved characters than inhabit it.

My Irish Dog

SPENCER HELD ON to the faintest of hope, but still he knew the trip to Ireland had almost no prospect of remedying his internal dilemma. Then again, he never imagined that a chance meeting with a lost and dying dog named Shandy would change his life forever. Step into the small Irish village of Galbally, where the unwitting Spencer stumbles headfirst into a parallel world that will test his will, sanity, and even physical well-being. Time and promise are running out. Will unnatural forces and events scare Spencer away before he can connect again with the mysterious dog? Will he find his way forward before Shandy meets her inevitable fate? Or will suspicious locals and a nefarious Dublin innkeeper force Spencer from the village before he completes his life-altering mission? Follow Spencer as he races to save a little Irish dog named Shandy. If he only realized that it is Shandy who is trying to save him…


Unparalleled

Seventeen-year-old Natalya Wells has one mission-to kill the monsters over the graffiti wall and rescue her best friend, Eve, who is held captive by Ascendants, the rulers of the fourth dimension. A dying land where children become victims of starvation and violence. When the Remnants, evil red-eyed demons, invade the fourth dimension, Natalya is transported to the next world. 

The fifth dimension is a place where grass shrivels, dies, and regrows all in a matter of seconds. The heat of the sun cannot be felt because the sky is encamped by a mural of glass. Natalya meets Jance, who belongs to a superhuman race called Raidens, warriors who heal with invincible scars. Jance holds a deadly secret about what the scars on his body truly mean, and why his own father is determined to kill him. 

Eve returns to the fifth dimension and meets Jance’s best friend, Ronan, a boy with no memory of the world he came from before. The three of them bind together to help Natalya become a Raiden. As Natalya endures this grueling transition, she discovers the secrets her friends are hiding, along with the unjust laws and dangerous manipulations that are poisoning this world. After a raging war divides the Raidens against one another, Natalya and her friends must reveal the darkness within themselves and embrace their unique gifts. Natalya’s power may not only shatter the glass world but someone she loves.


Meet Jenna Hebert

Jenna Hebert has spent her life imagining different worlds. For the past 6 years, she has been crafting UNPARALLELED and finally decided to release the book into the world. While growing up, schools claimed she had dyslexia and ADD. Against the odds, she began writing and refused to give up. UNPARALLELED her debut novel and Jenna spends her time in local coffee shops working on new novels.