From Russia With Chilli And Garlic Sauce

Who is Johnny Two Kebabs? There has been much speculation in recent years as to whether Johnny Two Kebabs really exists. Is it true that on 15th June 2011 after drinking 13 pints of lager he polished off two doner kebabs in 1 minute 59 seconds? Is Johnny Two Kebabs just an urban legend? Is the song that was written about him and for which the video appears on the internet just in the tradition of Irish blarney and storytelling? Is it a type of celtic mythology about larger than life figures? Were the comics which mysteriously appeared on the internet in 2020 fake news? Now, at last, in his own words, Johnny Two Kebabs comes clean and in this volume he recounts how he foiled a Russian assassination in the UK. Johnny writes candidly about his experiences in the high stakes world of international intrigue and seduction. He pulls no punches in this exposé of London’s dark underworld with its assassins, Irish pubs, kebab shops and cans of super-strength lager or as Johnny likes to call it “The golden nectar that makes life worth living”.

Meet Johnny Two Kebabs

Like top athletes and artists Johnny developed certain approaches to his chosen fields of expertise, often he has described to me the “state of flow” he experiences when he achieves a particular goal. The most famous example, of course, is when he ate two done kebabs in less than two minutes (after already having downed thirteen pints of lager) but this is not Johnny’s sole achievement. Today he is as much known for his achievements as a “conscious-vigilante” as for his record-breaking achievement in Achmed’s kebab shop. In his memoirs we learn not only how Johnny operates behind the scenes in his fight against evil but also about his ‘philosophy’ and the ‘ethical’ code by which he lives. We are reminded that Johnny is one of the great ‘thinkers’ of our times and that the philospophy which he espouses transcends the limits of time being applicable to all in all eras.

Not Your Mother’s Goose

cover

Not Your Mother’s Goose proves that fairy tales and nursery rhymes aren’t just for kids anymore. Envision it as the Cliffs Notes of children’s stories — if Cliffs Notes was overtaken by Dave Barry or the folks at The Onion. Not Your Mother’s Goose is a series of totally irreverent, mega-sarcastic fairy tale recaps, along with a host of hilarious fake news stories and headlines ranging from Rapunzel getting a bikini wax to Old MacDonald bombing on Wheel of Fortune after only buying vowels. Mix in illustrations reminiscent of Gary Larson’s classic Far Side cartoons, and you’re left with a madcap read that will leave you laughing all the way from Rumpelstiltskin’s Twitter feed to Humpty Dumpty’s Facebook page (where Jack is still trying to grow a beanstalk—in FarmVille).

Milk and Vine

cover

Parodying the popular poetry book Milk and Honey, Milk and Vine beautifully portrays the best vines of all time in this modern poetic format.Milk and Vine is truly a delight for the sensations, bringing back the riveting quotes we all laughed at together as a united internet community.

From Ms. Kiesha to diesel jeans, this book encapsulates the most entertaining, nostalgic vines that are sure to have you laughing again. Keep the fire of authentic comedy ablaze in your home, and purchase a copy of Milk and Vine today.