Harold Heard But Cake

Harold hardly hears. But what he MISHEARS is hilarious and will have your child laughing out loud. Follow along this Early Reader for a day in the life of Harold and his mishearing ears. At the center of it all is the mysterious BUTT cake — or, rather, Bundt cake. Harold has no idea why mom would even make that. When, at last, Harold is able to hear properly again, will he even want to? “Eggs use me!” I might be giving away the ending.

Meet Bz Humdrum

b.z. humdrum is an author in San Francisco. He is a curmudgeon, a spendthrift, a doodler of doodles, but mostly he just writes biographies of himself on book authoring web sites. His children’s books are loved by little ones and tolerated by adults. A biography would not be complete without a list of his favorite spices: sage, saffron, and paprika.

Beast Be Gone

Creatures in your basement? Undead spooking your castle? Infestation of goblins? Beast Be Gone will clear out those pesky pests and save your health and business – (no dragons)

Adventurers rampage across the land, stealing everything from bread rolls to ancient heirlooms, slaughtering countless innocent monsters in their hunt for glory.

Eric, the owner of Beast Be Gone pest control, knows that most creatures can be removed with a bit of repellent, however the adventurers want to do things the flashy way; blowing up half of the dungeon with fireballs in the process.

With no work left, Eric is broke and desperate. That is until a young woman equipped with mechanical gadgets becomes his apprentice. Together they uncover the mystery of a diabolical plot that answers the timeless questions about adventuring…

Why are there so many Chosen Ones? Are goblins inherently evil or are they just misunderstood? Why do all the shopkeepers say they have the best swords in the land? What are the socio-economic implications of all these sword merchants?

Somebody wants a world full of adventurers, but why…?

Terry Pratchett meets Ghostbusters in an RPG world.

Beast Be Gone is a new fantasy comedy novel, which explores the stories of the underdogs of fantasy tales, sometimes known as NPC’s. They’re normal folk just wanting to go to the shops without getting stabbed by a sneaky guy in a cape who got bored of hunting goblins.

A must-read for anyone who loves Dungeons & Dragons, RPG’s and online games (although you’ll never be able to play them again without feeling bad for the men who have to clear up the mess you left behind in dungeons).

Suitable for adults, YA and teens. Available in hardcover (hardback), kindle, ebook and paperback. First published August 2021.


Meet A L Billington

Who is A L Billington? Some say he is just a myth, a phantom, a whisper on the lips of a kindly gentleman. Or maybe he’s just some bloke with access to a word processor and too much time on his hands. Who calls them word processors these days anyway? Turns out A L Billington is old enough to use the term ‘word processor’, yet only ironically, which should tell you exactly how old he is. He’s also the one writing this bit, so it’s very strange that it’s in the third person.

In case you were wondering, the ‘A’ stands for Arthur, and the ‘L’ stands for a secret that he’ll never tell you unless you get him drunk at an awkward party.

Anyway, you all have access to your own word processors, so you can look him up using the magic of the internet. He’s the cheeky chap who set up ‘Billington Publishing’ (in case you hadn’t made that connection based on the narcissistic naming)